RED FLAGS THAT SHOULD GET YOU RUNNING

Relationships are hard no matter how much we want them to be easy. At the same time we can be in relationships with ease and more relaxation after we set goals and sometimes rules

Though they say love is blind, is it a good reason to neglect our own feelings.

Here are some of the things to look out for when getting into a relationship:

AGGRESSION: by this I mean when your new partner is unhappy about something and they decide to approach you with too much anger

This can make anyone uncomfortable and feel belittled. Though we make excuses foe such behaviour taking a deeper look into your feeling after the event is the most important part. That choking that you feel, the blame you put on yourself are toxic and will make you forget about your happiness.

You can’t always be happy but you have to most be most times.

AGREE TO EVERYTHING THEY DO/SAY:

You’re in a relationship for goodness sake not a military. Your opinions matter too.

Civil conversations should be normalised in relationships. Now imagine if your partner is the one that wants to run your relationship like a military. It tends to cause more arguments.

If I can tell you, agreeing to everything because you want peace is not getting peace. It will haunt you until you forget about it and guess what it might be used as reference on the next argument.

You can have a grown up discussion without any of you feeling like authority or leader of a gang. If this happens address it with your partner and if it persists RUN. You need your sanity.

SAD MOMENTS SURPASS HAPPY MOMENTS:

Why do you prefer this kind of relationship when there is tons of happiness out there.

Choose you, choose your sanity, choose your happiness and choose you heart. Though we like joking about guarding our hearts and souls we actually have to do it. Do not be desperate to be in a relationship to a point where you STAY even when there is not ray of sunshine in your relationship.

Do not stay I repeat do not stay. Leave because you end up in too deep. You become a doormat for a relationship that doesn’t work for you. Remember if you can’t talk and solve it remember you need yourself more than anyone needs you

ABUSE: I mean any form of abuse,

Physical, emotional and verbal abuse can’t be sugar coated no matter how much you try.

You cannot allow yourself to walk around with a broken spirit. You are not going to live around negative energy because you are in a relationship. You’re slowly burning yourself to ashes inside. And there will be a time where you’ll not be able to save yourself. So RUN and remember Gender Based Violence is both sides. Men can get abused too. To men, do not be afraid to talk about it you also need to heal.

WHEN THEY DIM YOUR LIGHT:

When your partner doesn’t allow you to be who you’re.

When we get into new relationships we shouldn’t forget who we are. We should still remain as bubbly as we were. We cannot change in a relationship but remain our true selves so that our new partners know who they are dealing with and love us for who we are.

Changing to suit our partners tends to make us forget our selves and get lost. When things go wrong we don’t even remember who we truly are.

Remember to stay true to yourself and don’t lose identity. Like I always put it, your sanity matters in a relationship.

If you feel like you’re changing to fit into someone’s life RUN.

GETTING OUT OF ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENTS

Abuse is one of the things that I fear most in my life because it tortures a person mentally, physically and every fibre in their body.

Abuse is categorised in So Many Ways just like I’ve mentioned above but do you know we can overlook abuse even when we feel it, we can overlook abuse even when we see it to a point where the trauma caused on our brains is severe.

So many are times when I would advise people around me about abusive environments. Sometimes the abuse doesn’t have to be directed at you it can be around you.

Now the question is are you able to sense abuse when it is surrounded you?

Are you able to tell that you are in an abusive environment?

Those are some of the things that you have to know how to sense feel and see and now know how to walk out. Sometimes we get very used to abusive environments and we don’t even know how to get out so on this read I’m taking you through steps or things you can look at that can help you get out of an abusive environment.

The reason why I’m using abusive environment is because I don’t want to categorise abuse I’m not going to talk about physical abuse or emotional abuse or verbal abuse separately because all these can exist within the same environment directed to you or around you.

So on this article I’ll be showing you and helping you on how to get out of abusive environments.

Letting Go is one of the hardest things to do.

Even people with strong and Minds find it hard to let go of their habits now imagine an environment that you have been accustomed to.

Start looking for distractions when you think of walking out or letting go, start thinking of distractions before the abuse traumatizes you.

Because you feel everything that is happening around, you feel the abuse getting into you.

Sometimes there are things that we love that we neglect, start looking onto those while you are looking for a way of walking out.

When you start doing things that can distract you and you start enjoying them it gives you a light to know that there is a life for you outside abuse there is a life for you outside relationships, friendships, a workplace and a family that is abusive not only physically remember but emotionally and verbally.

If it is Reading or writing that you like doing start doing that a lot it will give you a bit of liberation and destruction from the hurt and the anger that you are dipped in . So plant things that you like in your mind teach your mind where to look at when they are abused once to make you fall apart.

This particular one I cannot stress enough, the places we go to influence our thoughts so much just like the programs we watch on TV influence us.

We should learn to go to places where we learn to be better people like the library church and support groups. Some will expect me to mention shopping, it is a therapy for some people but then it should not lend you into debt that will get you in trouble and credits that you can’t control so do things that mean so much more yet important to you.

Visit places that build you, visit places that teach you so much about yourself, visit places that remind you of your worth and how much of a good person a better person you can be.

Often times when we go through stressful situations like being in a abusive environment we go to the wrong places we go to bars clubs resort to alcohol but we forget that the feeling of forgetting the hurt is temporary. It will follow suit tomorrow which means you are not creating a solution you are just pushing the problem aside which will eventually come back.

So start visiting places which will not remind you of the abuse, which will help you grow, which will distract you and allow you to do things that you love and places that will remind you that you don’t need to be where you are abused.

Hurt and abuse can delay you so much that you realise you never give yourself time. So turn the lights to yourself. Start looking yourself in a different way or should I say the way you want the world to look at you.

Start focusing so much on yourself. Start giving yourself time, when you go back to some of my reads about self-love you realise it needs more attention than we think. When you start loving yourself you know you don’t deserve to be in places where there is so much anger and hurt. You will know you belong to places where there is so much laughter, love and acceptance

Pay attention to yourself, your needs, your wants and things that make you happy.

Love yourself better and in a big way.

This means starting a journey with yourself and stepping out of the abuse zone.

When is still realising that there is more to you avonhead there’s a method that is going to stop you from taking over the world. Are you start seeing yourself as this person has so much potential and a lot to achieve. That moment is when you pack your bag and leave the bitter, hurting environment behind.

Start healing, talk to someone who is willing to listen and match your energy. This healing process will mean you have to start building Trust with people around you, you start being cautious of everything that happens around you so that you don’t go back so that abuse you were used to. That environment that never allowed you to be yourself to where things were not screaming happy but rather hurt.

I hope you find yourself. I hope you give yourself a chance. Even when you’re not going to walk out. Fix things, try to create a conducive environment through your voice.

Xoxo

Thero Madziba