RED FLAGS THAT SHOULD GET YOU RUNNING

Relationships are hard no matter how much we want them to be easy. At the same time we can be in relationships with ease and more relaxation after we set goals and sometimes rules

Though they say love is blind, is it a good reason to neglect our own feelings.

Here are some of the things to look out for when getting into a relationship:

AGGRESSION: by this I mean when your new partner is unhappy about something and they decide to approach you with too much anger

This can make anyone uncomfortable and feel belittled. Though we make excuses foe such behaviour taking a deeper look into your feeling after the event is the most important part. That choking that you feel, the blame you put on yourself are toxic and will make you forget about your happiness.

You can’t always be happy but you have to most be most times.

AGREE TO EVERYTHING THEY DO/SAY:

You’re in a relationship for goodness sake not a military. Your opinions matter too.

Civil conversations should be normalised in relationships. Now imagine if your partner is the one that wants to run your relationship like a military. It tends to cause more arguments.

If I can tell you, agreeing to everything because you want peace is not getting peace. It will haunt you until you forget about it and guess what it might be used as reference on the next argument.

You can have a grown up discussion without any of you feeling like authority or leader of a gang. If this happens address it with your partner and if it persists RUN. You need your sanity.

SAD MOMENTS SURPASS HAPPY MOMENTS:

Why do you prefer this kind of relationship when there is tons of happiness out there.

Choose you, choose your sanity, choose your happiness and choose you heart. Though we like joking about guarding our hearts and souls we actually have to do it. Do not be desperate to be in a relationship to a point where you STAY even when there is not ray of sunshine in your relationship.

Do not stay I repeat do not stay. Leave because you end up in too deep. You become a doormat for a relationship that doesn’t work for you. Remember if you can’t talk and solve it remember you need yourself more than anyone needs you

ABUSE: I mean any form of abuse,

Physical, emotional and verbal abuse can’t be sugar coated no matter how much you try.

You cannot allow yourself to walk around with a broken spirit. You are not going to live around negative energy because you are in a relationship. You’re slowly burning yourself to ashes inside. And there will be a time where you’ll not be able to save yourself. So RUN and remember Gender Based Violence is both sides. Men can get abused too. To men, do not be afraid to talk about it you also need to heal.

WHEN THEY DIM YOUR LIGHT:

When your partner doesn’t allow you to be who you’re.

When we get into new relationships we shouldn’t forget who we are. We should still remain as bubbly as we were. We cannot change in a relationship but remain our true selves so that our new partners know who they are dealing with and love us for who we are.

Changing to suit our partners tends to make us forget our selves and get lost. When things go wrong we don’t even remember who we truly are.

Remember to stay true to yourself and don’t lose identity. Like I always put it, your sanity matters in a relationship.

If you feel like you’re changing to fit into someone’s life RUN.

YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK

Have you ever felt so tired you needed a break from the world?

Have you ever felt like you don’t need to wake up in the morning and go to work or do any work at all?

Have you ever felt like there’s something missing deep within or you have a void that you need to fill?

If you answered yes to the above questions it’s a sign that you need to take a break. If there is a sign that you need to give yourself time to reboot and heal don’t hesitate do it.

Sometimes we are not aware that we are actually weary and there’s so much weight on our shoulders until we fall. The question is why should you allow yourself to break before you actually take the break.

Do you know that taking a break is actually vital for your mental health and physical health. That is the reason why doctors give us bedrest when they realise that we are fatigued and we need vitamins and most importantly the rest.

We may take it for granted but as time goes on our bodies will start to get worn out because of the negligence we decided to do. Our bodies will start complaining at a time when we totally can’t do anything but rely on medication and help from people surrounding us but the question is, is that what you want.

I urge you to take a break I urge you to rest. Most of the time we were told to get rich we don’t have to sleep now the question is after making all the money are you going to spend it on medication and lying down because your body can no longer take it anymore even going on a holiday?

All we need to do sometimes is to take just a single day off in a week or maybe three in a month to re-energize and set our minds straight.

There is something very beautiful about the word peace even saying it brings so much calm in anyone’s mind.

Taking a break sometimes is for a purpose of having peace in your life. It doesn’t have to take a lot from you to feel peaceful because then if you need so much energy effort sweat and blood to be peaceful then you are also taking away from your peace.

There are times when your mind needs to calm down and start assessing things in a clearer way.Do not deny yourself peace just that you can give it to others. Do not deny yourself a content life because you are afraid of relaxing and feeling peaceful in your own space. Sometimes peace comes after a long time and not even realising that you are actually at peace until you start feeling a difference on your environment.

Start seeking Peace by allowing yourself to take a Break think and take action on everything that will prune out things that are hindering your peace.

There’s a time where you will actually fall and feel like you’ll never get back up again.

Things will happen in your life that will make you want to reintroduce yourself or even change your name and the town you live at.

Some situations wil humble you, they will drive you crazy and you’ll wish you were around people that never knew you or don’t know anything about you so that you can Bloom.

Did you know you can still Bloom whilst you’re around people that have watched you fall. Like they say trees will still stand even after winter has gotten their leaves away the next summer when it rains they actually become alive.

Flowers will Bloom again leaves will be green again and it will all look beautiful it can be the same with your life.When you take a break come up with a plan of how you are going to start a better and new Life.

Start thinking of things that actually make you happy, things that will show that you are comfortable with who you are, things that will show the radiance from within to outside that you are actually at peace because you took a break and ready to bloom.

It is ok not to be ok but it doesn’t mean you should be stuck there.

How about if you just work on letting go of anything that is stopping you from being peaceful and happy?

Taking a break will actually help to build the person that you want to be, to create a new you and become whatever you’ve always wanted to become a better person in the society. Accepting that it is okay to cry, to crumble and fall.

To lose means that you are able to grieve, let go and start a new life. Like I said above you have to allow yourself to Bloom but before you bloom you have to allow the Old leaves to fall off and those are your tears. Allow yourself to cry and reform yourself, change your mindset about so many things and begin a new life.It is ok to cry, it is ok to break things when you’re in the moment, it is ok to shout and also it is ok to tell somebody how you feel it is ok not to be ok.You don’t have to suffocate because you don’t want to crack.

Allow yourself to Suffocate learn how to breathe learn how to be at peace learn how to bloom just take a break .

Take a few steps back from everything even if it means switching off social media go ahead so that you give yourself peace take a break and be the person that you want to be.

I hope you give yourself a chance to be at peace and in an environment that makes you happy otherwise take a break.Ride solo if you have to.

Blissful and Nasty sides of Gap Relationships

On the previous read we talked about making gap relationships work. We still have a long way to go on this one.Because I’m also in a gap relationship I think it’s only right to share with you the goodies and the baddies.Remember relationships have no manual. We meet different people with different personalities and different expectations but we still strive to make the relationship work. In a relationship there are ups and downs and also the beautiful and the Ugly.My wish was to write the ideal first but because I don’t want to ruin your mood before you go and let me give you into the beautiful aspect of the least four aspects of age gap relationship.

BLISSFUL MOMENTS

When I just thought of the word blissful moments I also thought I could have written advantages but because this is a relationship not a case study I decided to give it that hip name.Being a young lady and dating an older man sometimes brings others old versions of chivalry. The man is still stuck to the days where they used to do things for women and women had to be chased women. I know you know what I’m talking about will be opening doors for you and giving you little meaningful gifts and reminding you how much they love you each chance they get. And the older man or whichever partner is older  gets to experience the bubbly personality of a younger partner you get to relive the Moments that you lived when you were their age and it brings so much joy of knowing you can be your young self again.

Conversations

When there is a big age gap in a relationship conversations are interesting. The younger generation gets to experience more meaningful and goal-oriented conversation.When the two are compatible there is more of a sit-down conversation the throwing tantrums. There is no of listening than talking even if there is more energy from the younger one there is always control from the older one. There is this sense of maturity in the relationship and the ability to fix problems easily. This does not mean that there cannot be arguments but they are healthy arguments than the ones that are risky.

KNOWLEDGE

Anyone in a gay relationship will tell you how much the older partner likes sharing knowledge. Most of the time they want to teach the younger ones about so many things whenever they can.You know what’s cool? The younger ones are always teaching the older ones or newer trends, new fashion and even technology. This makes the older partner want to give them more regards and credit for all the things they teach them to keep up with the times.

SUPPORT

There’s that level of support that is involved in an age gap relationship.In an age gap relationship you and your partner are not competing for Success that much or out there trying to make names for both of you. The other partner is already established and has experience on what it is like to be out there trying to make a name for yourself. They render much of their support to you and expect a little from you. Though they might also need support from you when they are trying new things you just know you have someone to lean on whenever things are hard there. They can give you the best advice you can ever think of.
Sometimes even financially when you want to start up your own business they’re always there trying to fund your business and they will also develop your idea. They will spend any penny they have for you to make it, they give you advice, help you on making business plan. When the world is harsh on you they give you support and advice you could have never even given yourself because they know how rough it is no matter the generational difference.

INDULGE & EXPLORE

When growing up there are places you both wanted to go to they could be different places but you still want to visit them.Then this is the time to go. The older partner has always wanted to go to, and the the younger partner also want to explore. There could be history attached to each one of you having the need to go there so get up and go. The older could have been more traveled and know the way around and the younger could know the fun part about traveling making it more fun.Make memories together make each other feel like you are young and old at the same time. Indulge and explore. Don’t wait for the other to tell you what to do initiate things today. Travel see the world start loving art, introduce each other to things they never knew were fun.It is ALWAYS fun in an age gap relationship.

NASTY MOMENTS

This is about to turn the tables but they don’t erase the blissful moments unless you need to walk out of the relationship. In Any relationships as much as the UPS are there they are also Downs and we cannot escape them the only thing we can do is deal with them. Now let’s look at the nasty moments of age gap relationships.Oh yes age gap relationships are something else let me take you through the journey all the ugly sides.

GOALS

You are from different spaces of time and your goals are totally going to be different. Sometimes the older partner is more established ahead and is looking forward to adding just a little bit of things on their life. And the younger partners are getting out there, they are ready to conquer, to live and to experience everything they can so that they can also have stories when they’re old.Obviously the goals will be different. The other partner has achieved so much in life and the other partner is looking to work their way through to the top and make a name for themselves. Then now there’s a clash of interests because they are pulling two different directions. But this doesn’t mean the relationship can work the only thing that will be needed will be support for the other.

BRINGING IN AGE

When getting into a age-gap relationship we expect age to be less of a topic but there are times when it comes in especially during the ugly times.When we get into age gap relationship we know age should not be an issue but sometimes it’s like in every argument. Somebody needs to state that they are young and the other states that they are old. This is one of the unnecessary things to mention in an age gap relationship ,there is no need to bring it in because it’s obvious we both know we have a huge age gap between us.Sometimes the age issue is just brought in to emphasize a point. The young partner wants to use age so that their point or whatever they want to do the message is sent across and the older wants to do the same thing when they want to emphasize a point they use age. E.g.
The older partner will come up with a suggestion and when the younger one doesn’t agree they will throw in words like “I am way older than you so I know how these things happen”And the younger partner will also want to put their point across and say “that was during your time, this time around things are different and I already know the tips and tricks on how to do it.”See! We can just sort things out and maybe try both option if they are not time consuming or expensive.

EXPECTATIONS

Thing were done differently back in the day.Oh because we know most age gap relationships and the man who’s older and the woman who’s younger. You could have been raised in different households and different chores done by different genders or should I say send the best roles in a household.On this day women know men can cook. They also know men can claim and birth the babies. Now imagine and older men being out for young lady to clean the house because they are taught on this day everything is 50/50 and then no more gender-based roles in a household.This can also refer to the old men and then they will expect the lady to clean, cook and bath the kids and do everything in the household when they are out there trying to provide the for the family. Guess what because women these days work they could also be out there fending for the family.Now with all those, there is need for the couple to sit down to sort out their lives and decide on how things are done.Remember from the beginning wrote that there is no manual for relationships. All there is, is the need to be in the love, respect each othet and be committed to each other. The best thing that you can do is to sit down and discuss everything, when all cards are put on the table it’s easy to deal with each other and tell the other how you want to be treated they will also tell you how they want to be treated.Looking forward to reading on how you made it work.

Picking myself up

The past year has been the most challenging financially and emotionally.

I went through a lot of negatives and lots of downfalls in 2019.

person holding pink suede long waller
Photo by Robert Bogdan on Pexels.com

I had nothing left on my account most of the times. Taking small loans was what always crossed my mind and I learnt to take it the hard way. I was living from cheque to cheque, month to month eating straight from my hand. I lost all hope on saving and having what’s mine. I even planned on selling a few items in my house.  It was really devastating and depressing. I struggled with making a budget.  I also do not know how I made it to 2020 with the heavy baggage I had on my shoulder. There are night where I cried mysemyself to sleep to avoid think about money. There was such a bad eneegybregarding my finances.

My emotions were also all over the place. I felt like I  was sinking and there was no one to rescue me. 2019 was a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I even had thoughts of giving up and quitting on my dreams but the drive in me kept me going my fore fire kept blazing and burning. All hope was lost but I pushed through the year.

Now I have set up a plan of picking myself up and living.

Let me share what my plans are for keeping and growing the little positivity left in me.

1. Having goals:

Putting goals into place and acting upon them reduces the chance of procrastination and builds a strong will to perform. Goals are a bot of motivation no matter how much the pressure feels.

2. Seeking help when needed:

This is very important to consider because sometimes we can’t be jack of all trades. We can’t be in several places at the same time. No matter how much we want to be our own little heroes we have to allow people to help us.

3. Budgeting:

Budgeting is a challenge on it’s own. It takes lots of courage to do it and actually abide by it. Budgeting can become a necessary habit which can be beneficial in building a financial freedom environment.

4. Meditating:

Thinking of this made me a bit nervous because it’s not anything that I’m used to. Being in silent spaces is not my ideal kind of place but I’m not so good with silent space. This is  a good idea if you love silent  spaces.

5. Prayer

It is important to learn how to pray for the things that you want.

Prayer can change lives. It grows the mind especially when you put your mind and effort into it. Learn to have time to speak what you wang into existence.