MOVING ON AFTER A BREAKUP

Relationships are the most beautiful part of growing up. Falling in love and being smitten with a stranger or someone you have known for some time.

But do you know all that can come to an end and it is the worst feeling to ever go through. On this post we are going to look at ways we can overcome the feeling and actually get back on our feet after a heart break or break up.
OPEN UP ABOUT IT: Do not bottle up your emotions when it comes to breakups. Holding on to the hurt can cause more harm in the future. It is important to confront your feeling during the time of hurting. Try to do this by journaling or talking to someone you trust or someone who will not judge you.

Recipes for diabetics (Click the pic to get it)

Journaling will have you write down your thoughts and express how you feel and it gives you an opportunity to actually start the process of facing the hurt and maybe feeling better. Opening up will mean you letting all the emotions surf through like letting yourself cry. Crying is not an indication that you are weak but showing that you can deal with your emotions.
FOCUSING ON YOURSELF: This is the time to work on yourself. A little bit of introspection is needed during this time of dealing with a breakup. Sometimes we are the ones who push things to crumble by little negative habits that we might not want to let go. Take time to asses the relationships you have had and see if there is a pattern.

His secret obsession (click the pic to grab this)

Focusing on yourself also means giving yourself some love. I have an article about self love and self care. SELF CARE ROUTINE . This article will give you ways of practicing self care and enjoy giving yourself a well deserved kind of attention.
LET GO : No matter how much it hurts eventually you will have to let go. As you deal with your emotions and also taking care of yourself do not dwell too much on the just ended relationship unless you are trying to get back together.

Letting go means knowing you can be okay without your ex, knowing you can go out there and be yourself without thinking about them. Take time to totally get in reality that it was not your time to be with them. It will not be as easy as it is written here but try. Start thinking of life without them, begin doing things that you had to put aside for your relationship. Actually start adding more worth to yourself and start focusing on things that you want than those that you do not want.
HEAL: Healing is so underrated and we take it for granted without noticing. Healing and letting go are different things and we should treat them as such. You have let go so now how about some healing? This will come with forgiving yourself and your ex of anything that still hurts you about the relationship you had.

Healing is about the inner you and mentally feeling right after a breakup. This might take a short period of time or a long time depending on pour different abilities to deal with pain. You do not want to get into a new relationship with anger and so much hate in your heart or deep cut feeling in your soul.

Out of all things you might do after a breakup healing is the most important one. It sets the mood for the current flow of things and for the coming relationship because you have freed your spirit.

HEAL!!!!!

Sometimes freedom comes from freeing ourselves

DO THINGS THAT YOU LOVE: What is it that makes you happy but you have been pushing it to the side? This is the chance to immerse yourself on soulful things that make you extra happy on your own.

If you can create happiness on your own you will be able to attract the same aura. People around you will be pleased with the kind of vibe you bring after dealing with your emotions of course. Go out and have fun with your friends before you go MIA in love again, visit family and catch on what you might have missed while you were boo’d up.

Go and sit in a nice restaurant and enjoy a good meal and bev by yourself, It can be a coffee shop or burger joint that you love. This will also put you out there for potentials to see you ( but do not go into anything serious) unless you are over your ex and READY to move on.

Delicious recipes for diabetics

SELF LOVE PROGRAM

Join my program.

The self love program is an online workshop held for a period of 14 days with scheduled weeks.

The program aims at making people get back to themselves in a more easy way and with planned topics. There are tasks that are given to help clients connect with who they really want to be.

Daily emails and sometimes with voice noted and pictorial information.

Email : slwiththero@gmail.com to get more information and Rate card for the program.

RED FLAGS THAT SHOULD GET YOU RUNNING

Relationships are hard no matter how much we want them to be easy. At the same time we can be in relationships with ease and more relaxation after we set goals and sometimes rules

Though they say love is blind, is it a good reason to neglect our own feelings.

Here are some of the things to look out for when getting into a relationship:

AGGRESSION: by this I mean when your new partner is unhappy about something and they decide to approach you with too much anger

This can make anyone uncomfortable and feel belittled. Though we make excuses foe such behaviour taking a deeper look into your feeling after the event is the most important part. That choking that you feel, the blame you put on yourself are toxic and will make you forget about your happiness.

You can’t always be happy but you have to most be most times.

AGREE TO EVERYTHING THEY DO/SAY:

You’re in a relationship for goodness sake not a military. Your opinions matter too.

Civil conversations should be normalised in relationships. Now imagine if your partner is the one that wants to run your relationship like a military. It tends to cause more arguments.

If I can tell you, agreeing to everything because you want peace is not getting peace. It will haunt you until you forget about it and guess what it might be used as reference on the next argument.

You can have a grown up discussion without any of you feeling like authority or leader of a gang. If this happens address it with your partner and if it persists RUN. You need your sanity.

SAD MOMENTS SURPASS HAPPY MOMENTS:

Why do you prefer this kind of relationship when there is tons of happiness out there.

Choose you, choose your sanity, choose your happiness and choose you heart. Though we like joking about guarding our hearts and souls we actually have to do it. Do not be desperate to be in a relationship to a point where you STAY even when there is not ray of sunshine in your relationship.

Do not stay I repeat do not stay. Leave because you end up in too deep. You become a doormat for a relationship that doesn’t work for you. Remember if you can’t talk and solve it remember you need yourself more than anyone needs you

ABUSE: I mean any form of abuse,

Physical, emotional and verbal abuse can’t be sugar coated no matter how much you try.

You cannot allow yourself to walk around with a broken spirit. You are not going to live around negative energy because you are in a relationship. You’re slowly burning yourself to ashes inside. And there will be a time where you’ll not be able to save yourself. So RUN and remember Gender Based Violence is both sides. Men can get abused too. To men, do not be afraid to talk about it you also need to heal.

WHEN THEY DIM YOUR LIGHT:

When your partner doesn’t allow you to be who you’re.

When we get into new relationships we shouldn’t forget who we are. We should still remain as bubbly as we were. We cannot change in a relationship but remain our true selves so that our new partners know who they are dealing with and love us for who we are.

Changing to suit our partners tends to make us forget our selves and get lost. When things go wrong we don’t even remember who we truly are.

Remember to stay true to yourself and don’t lose identity. Like I always put it, your sanity matters in a relationship.

If you feel like you’re changing to fit into someone’s life RUN.

E-Book Launch WAYS TO LOVE YOURSELF

I’ve been working on a self love book and it is finally here!

Through different platforms I have realised that there are people who still struggle with the journey of self-love because they have no one or no tool to help them throughout the way.

So I came up with this little manual or guide to help those are on that journey so that they don’t feel alone and they have something to keep them going and a book to read whenever they need a reminder that self-love is key in our lives.

When I wrote this book I had people that are actually struggling and those who are learning to love themselves again after they have gone through a rough life experiences in my mind.

With the way the world has turn out to be and the way behaviours of people have changed it has made some people uncomfortable to express themselves openly. I wrote this book to act as a friend that one can communicate with and I’m opening up to anyone who like to discuss the book with me or have a discussion and helping them start the journey of self-love.

In a short period of time I’ll be welcoming people that would like to have sessions with me on a weekly basis Monday to Friday to help them kick start the journey of loving themselves, assessing key areas where they need to actually put the focus so that they can win if this journey of loving themselves.

The platform of having consultations is to be able to learn the patterns and behaviours of people that are going through journeys that are tough to carry and they need help to be able to express themselves. Not in any way will I be taking a place of a psychologist or therapist but I’ll be taking a place of a friend who’s willing to listen and be a friend to anyone that will come my way.

This book is just the beginning of a wonderful journey that I want to have with other people out there and make sure that I reach a number of people that can also reach out to others and and be examples of people who have learnt to love themselves beyond their life experiences.

To purchase this book just click on the picture of the book cover and it will Direct you straight to Amazon where you can purchase the Ebook version and the paperback version is also under construction hopefully it will be available soon.

GETTING OUT OF ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENTS

Abuse is one of the things that I fear most in my life because it tortures a person mentally, physically and every fibre in their body.

Abuse is categorised in So Many Ways just like I’ve mentioned above but do you know we can overlook abuse even when we feel it, we can overlook abuse even when we see it to a point where the trauma caused on our brains is severe.

So many are times when I would advise people around me about abusive environments. Sometimes the abuse doesn’t have to be directed at you it can be around you.

Now the question is are you able to sense abuse when it is surrounded you?

Are you able to tell that you are in an abusive environment?

Those are some of the things that you have to know how to sense feel and see and now know how to walk out. Sometimes we get very used to abusive environments and we don’t even know how to get out so on this read I’m taking you through steps or things you can look at that can help you get out of an abusive environment.

The reason why I’m using abusive environment is because I don’t want to categorise abuse I’m not going to talk about physical abuse or emotional abuse or verbal abuse separately because all these can exist within the same environment directed to you or around you.

So on this article I’ll be showing you and helping you on how to get out of abusive environments.

Letting Go is one of the hardest things to do.

Even people with strong and Minds find it hard to let go of their habits now imagine an environment that you have been accustomed to.

Start looking for distractions when you think of walking out or letting go, start thinking of distractions before the abuse traumatizes you.

Because you feel everything that is happening around, you feel the abuse getting into you.

Sometimes there are things that we love that we neglect, start looking onto those while you are looking for a way of walking out.

When you start doing things that can distract you and you start enjoying them it gives you a light to know that there is a life for you outside abuse there is a life for you outside relationships, friendships, a workplace and a family that is abusive not only physically remember but emotionally and verbally.

If it is Reading or writing that you like doing start doing that a lot it will give you a bit of liberation and destruction from the hurt and the anger that you are dipped in . So plant things that you like in your mind teach your mind where to look at when they are abused once to make you fall apart.

This particular one I cannot stress enough, the places we go to influence our thoughts so much just like the programs we watch on TV influence us.

We should learn to go to places where we learn to be better people like the library church and support groups. Some will expect me to mention shopping, it is a therapy for some people but then it should not lend you into debt that will get you in trouble and credits that you can’t control so do things that mean so much more yet important to you.

Visit places that build you, visit places that teach you so much about yourself, visit places that remind you of your worth and how much of a good person a better person you can be.

Often times when we go through stressful situations like being in a abusive environment we go to the wrong places we go to bars clubs resort to alcohol but we forget that the feeling of forgetting the hurt is temporary. It will follow suit tomorrow which means you are not creating a solution you are just pushing the problem aside which will eventually come back.

So start visiting places which will not remind you of the abuse, which will help you grow, which will distract you and allow you to do things that you love and places that will remind you that you don’t need to be where you are abused.

Hurt and abuse can delay you so much that you realise you never give yourself time. So turn the lights to yourself. Start looking yourself in a different way or should I say the way you want the world to look at you.

Start focusing so much on yourself. Start giving yourself time, when you go back to some of my reads about self-love you realise it needs more attention than we think. When you start loving yourself you know you don’t deserve to be in places where there is so much anger and hurt. You will know you belong to places where there is so much laughter, love and acceptance

Pay attention to yourself, your needs, your wants and things that make you happy.

Love yourself better and in a big way.

This means starting a journey with yourself and stepping out of the abuse zone.

When is still realising that there is more to you avonhead there’s a method that is going to stop you from taking over the world. Are you start seeing yourself as this person has so much potential and a lot to achieve. That moment is when you pack your bag and leave the bitter, hurting environment behind.

Start healing, talk to someone who is willing to listen and match your energy. This healing process will mean you have to start building Trust with people around you, you start being cautious of everything that happens around you so that you don’t go back so that abuse you were used to. That environment that never allowed you to be yourself to where things were not screaming happy but rather hurt.

I hope you find yourself. I hope you give yourself a chance. Even when you’re not going to walk out. Fix things, try to create a conducive environment through your voice.

Xoxo

Thero Madziba

The Journey Inside You

Get ready to connect the person that you are with the person you want to be.

Get your mind to open a space of learning to be a better person not for anyone but for yourself.

My version of self-love and self-care is based on understanding the person that I am a learning to love myself before I allow anyone to love me.Here is a guide to help shift your thoughts about yourself.

You wake up every morning to Bath, clean the house, make a meal for yourself, get ready for the day spontaneously or with a plan.

Your mind starts remembering all the things that you have to do on that day, people you have to talk to, people you have to text and things you promised to do for people.

Do you allow your mind to start thinking of your needs except for food in the house? Except the toiletry that you need, except fuel and what you’re going to eat during the day?

Does your mind stop for a minute during the process of getting ready to think if there’s something that you need to fill within yourself?

Does your mind question if you have to get rid of grudges that you have?

All the anger that you are carrying towards someone?I urge you to train your mind to put you first. Allow yourself to be in the moment, allow yourself to feel everything that is around you especially in the morning.

Have you ever heard people say she woke up on the wrong side of the bed today? It is because of the mood that you are portraying that makes people say that. Do you think if you took a minute to be in the moment allow yourself to take care of yourself before stepping out of the house could make people say that about you?

Sometimes you are moody not because you are angry but because you are far behind with loving yourself.When you start to Love Yourself you want to be happy just like when you love someone you want them to be happy. When you start loving yourself you are able to feel each and every inch of tiredness in your body and you do something about it, it’s just like when you see the person you love tired you allow them to rest you even insist on them resting.Start listening to yourself start listening to your emotions, start listening to your body, start listening to your soul and spirit and start listening to your surroundings.

Loving yourself is not supposed to be a job it is not even supposed to be tiring because it is you, your thoughts, your emotions and the love that you have for yourself. That makes you start thinking of doing everything to keep yourself happy.

Loving oneself is the most important thing because it teaches people how to love you.

There’s a very common battle between us and our emotions.

This battle makes us say we’re confused or we have too many decisions to make but do you ever listen and realise your mind is pulling to the other side e.g. the I love him but at the same time I don’t think he’s right for me but then your mind says give it a try.

This is a clear sign that you as one person can have a battle within yourself and at the end of the day there’s no one to blame for anything not even yourself.When you get emotional and you don’t portray your emotions or let them show there’s a bit of suffocation that happens within you and most times later on you would want to blow.

My question is why do you make yourselves suffer because you are afraid of people seeing your vulnerable?Why do you detach yourself from feeling things when the are happening?

There’s a difference between real-time reactions and delayed reactions. This is because in real-time you get to feel each everything that is going on and in delayed reaction you still have to remind yourself of why you are actually reacting.

So the relationship between you and your emotions should not suffer because you want the world to look at you with a certain perception.

Stop betraying yourself start connecting with your emotions so that you don’t carry so much weight on your shoulders.

If it is laughter show it, laugh as hard as you can, if it is crying cry because you are really listening to what you’re feeling at the moment stop betraying yourself.

Ohhhhh child our souls are broken.

If you have never had a broken soul bless you.

If you have never felt the person within you tested and about to give up when your spirits start going low and your soul is lingering only on surrendering to the almighty.

My Prayer always consist of healing my soul. I’ve been broken before and probably I will be broken again but I still pray for my soul.

There is so much hurt within us that is eating us from inside we are burning to ashes inside yet we are moving. There is always a shaking voice from a person with a broken soul because they think it cannot be fixed.

There is so much power in letting negativity go, there is so much power in loving yourself so much that you don’t allow bad air to come around you. when your soul is broken you think everyone sees it you become too defensive to even accept help from those who want to help.

Start fixing broken relationships, start fixing things that have detached you from your emotions, start healing from the brokenness of your soul and start healing the wounds that are open.I am so much afraid of a broken soul because most of the time the lights are dimmed and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel that is visible for broken Souls.

To avoid such stop holding on grudges, stop thinking everyone is your enemy, start thinking positively, start putting yourself first.Learn yourself so that you can tell others about you and most importantly teach people about who you are, what you are about, and what you expect from them.

Your soul will be relieved of so much scars on it.Cleanse your soul, cleanse yourself before anyone wants to fix your broken soul.

Surrender to God he wants us the way we are and believe me there’s so much joy and surrendering to God.

There’s this person that you want to be, a better version of yourself but you feel there’s always something hindering you.

When you pray for a better life like having your own house, having a car, having kids & having financial freedom don’t forget to pray for yourself because those things are for you you should be ready to have them in your life.The reason why sometimes we fail to manage wealth is because we don’t pray for ourselves. When you pray for yourself there is so much guidance within you. You become so grounded, wealth and materialistic things don’t control your train of thoughts.

Because you are praying to be a better person for your own sake and so that you don’t self-destruct. start praying for yourself. Pray for the better you that you want.There is joy and peace in praying for yourself and your prayers manifest because you wake up happy, loving yourself everyday, you wake up with a clean and loving soul that is not broken you and looking forward to the day because the first thing you do is pray for yourself, think of your needs and you start putting yourself first. Pray for a better you.

Most of us did not grow up in friendly environments where love was the main ingredient of the family.

You could have gone through a traumatic growing up experience but that doesn’t mean you are any less of a person than people around you.Sometimes the journey to Self love starts with healing the child inside you, healing the wounds that were open during your childhood.

Some childhood traumas can carry on up to the time are supposed to love yourself even more.Our minds keep telling us we are not worth anything because of our traumatic experiences as kids, if you longed-for love, you begged for it and you asked for it there is a high possibility that you won’t be able to recognise love when it’s around even from yourself. This breeds too much doubt and you start believing negativity that was thrown at you.Emerge a better person.Heal the child in you.Shift your thoughts about yourself.

You have untold stories of hurt and abuse and telling them seems impossible. You think no one will listen not even to understand your stories.

Deal with the trauma anyhow you can so that you move from hating yourself to loving yourself.

I hope you become your own dream come true.

I pray you see your worth and live it. I desire to live in a world where loving oneself is normal.