SELF LOVE PROGRAM

Join my program.

The self love program is an online workshop held for a period of 14 days with scheduled weeks.

The program aims at making people get back to themselves in a more easy way and with planned topics. There are tasks that are given to help clients connect with who they really want to be.

Daily emails and sometimes with voice noted and pictorial information.

Email : slwiththero@gmail.com to get more information and Rate card for the program.

RED FLAGS THAT SHOULD GET YOU RUNNING

Relationships are hard no matter how much we want them to be easy. At the same time we can be in relationships with ease and more relaxation after we set goals and sometimes rules

Though they say love is blind, is it a good reason to neglect our own feelings.

Here are some of the things to look out for when getting into a relationship:

AGGRESSION: by this I mean when your new partner is unhappy about something and they decide to approach you with too much anger

This can make anyone uncomfortable and feel belittled. Though we make excuses foe such behaviour taking a deeper look into your feeling after the event is the most important part. That choking that you feel, the blame you put on yourself are toxic and will make you forget about your happiness.

You can’t always be happy but you have to most be most times.

AGREE TO EVERYTHING THEY DO/SAY:

You’re in a relationship for goodness sake not a military. Your opinions matter too.

Civil conversations should be normalised in relationships. Now imagine if your partner is the one that wants to run your relationship like a military. It tends to cause more arguments.

If I can tell you, agreeing to everything because you want peace is not getting peace. It will haunt you until you forget about it and guess what it might be used as reference on the next argument.

You can have a grown up discussion without any of you feeling like authority or leader of a gang. If this happens address it with your partner and if it persists RUN. You need your sanity.

SAD MOMENTS SURPASS HAPPY MOMENTS:

Why do you prefer this kind of relationship when there is tons of happiness out there.

Choose you, choose your sanity, choose your happiness and choose you heart. Though we like joking about guarding our hearts and souls we actually have to do it. Do not be desperate to be in a relationship to a point where you STAY even when there is not ray of sunshine in your relationship.

Do not stay I repeat do not stay. Leave because you end up in too deep. You become a doormat for a relationship that doesn’t work for you. Remember if you can’t talk and solve it remember you need yourself more than anyone needs you

ABUSE: I mean any form of abuse,

Physical, emotional and verbal abuse can’t be sugar coated no matter how much you try.

You cannot allow yourself to walk around with a broken spirit. You are not going to live around negative energy because you are in a relationship. You’re slowly burning yourself to ashes inside. And there will be a time where you’ll not be able to save yourself. So RUN and remember Gender Based Violence is both sides. Men can get abused too. To men, do not be afraid to talk about it you also need to heal.

WHEN THEY DIM YOUR LIGHT:

When your partner doesn’t allow you to be who you’re.

When we get into new relationships we shouldn’t forget who we are. We should still remain as bubbly as we were. We cannot change in a relationship but remain our true selves so that our new partners know who they are dealing with and love us for who we are.

Changing to suit our partners tends to make us forget our selves and get lost. When things go wrong we don’t even remember who we truly are.

Remember to stay true to yourself and don’t lose identity. Like I always put it, your sanity matters in a relationship.

If you feel like you’re changing to fit into someone’s life RUN.

E-Book Launch WAYS TO LOVE YOURSELF

I’ve been working on a self love book and it is finally here!

Through different platforms I have realised that there are people who still struggle with the journey of self-love because they have no one or no tool to help them throughout the way.

So I came up with this little manual or guide to help those are on that journey so that they don’t feel alone and they have something to keep them going and a book to read whenever they need a reminder that self-love is key in our lives.

When I wrote this book I had people that are actually struggling and those who are learning to love themselves again after they have gone through a rough life experiences in my mind.

With the way the world has turn out to be and the way behaviours of people have changed it has made some people uncomfortable to express themselves openly. I wrote this book to act as a friend that one can communicate with and I’m opening up to anyone who like to discuss the book with me or have a discussion and helping them start the journey of self-love.

In a short period of time I’ll be welcoming people that would like to have sessions with me on a weekly basis Monday to Friday to help them kick start the journey of loving themselves, assessing key areas where they need to actually put the focus so that they can win if this journey of loving themselves.

The platform of having consultations is to be able to learn the patterns and behaviours of people that are going through journeys that are tough to carry and they need help to be able to express themselves. Not in any way will I be taking a place of a psychologist or therapist but I’ll be taking a place of a friend who’s willing to listen and be a friend to anyone that will come my way.

This book is just the beginning of a wonderful journey that I want to have with other people out there and make sure that I reach a number of people that can also reach out to others and and be examples of people who have learnt to love themselves beyond their life experiences.

To purchase this book just click on the picture of the book cover and it will Direct you straight to Amazon where you can purchase the Ebook version and the paperback version is also under construction hopefully it will be available soon.

GETTING OUT OF ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENTS

Abuse is one of the things that I fear most in my life because it tortures a person mentally, physically and every fibre in their body.

Abuse is categorised in So Many Ways just like I’ve mentioned above but do you know we can overlook abuse even when we feel it, we can overlook abuse even when we see it to a point where the trauma caused on our brains is severe.

So many are times when I would advise people around me about abusive environments. Sometimes the abuse doesn’t have to be directed at you it can be around you.

Now the question is are you able to sense abuse when it is surrounded you?

Are you able to tell that you are in an abusive environment?

Those are some of the things that you have to know how to sense feel and see and now know how to walk out. Sometimes we get very used to abusive environments and we don’t even know how to get out so on this read I’m taking you through steps or things you can look at that can help you get out of an abusive environment.

The reason why I’m using abusive environment is because I don’t want to categorise abuse I’m not going to talk about physical abuse or emotional abuse or verbal abuse separately because all these can exist within the same environment directed to you or around you.

So on this article I’ll be showing you and helping you on how to get out of abusive environments.

Letting Go is one of the hardest things to do.

Even people with strong and Minds find it hard to let go of their habits now imagine an environment that you have been accustomed to.

Start looking for distractions when you think of walking out or letting go, start thinking of distractions before the abuse traumatizes you.

Because you feel everything that is happening around, you feel the abuse getting into you.

Sometimes there are things that we love that we neglect, start looking onto those while you are looking for a way of walking out.

When you start doing things that can distract you and you start enjoying them it gives you a light to know that there is a life for you outside abuse there is a life for you outside relationships, friendships, a workplace and a family that is abusive not only physically remember but emotionally and verbally.

If it is Reading or writing that you like doing start doing that a lot it will give you a bit of liberation and destruction from the hurt and the anger that you are dipped in . So plant things that you like in your mind teach your mind where to look at when they are abused once to make you fall apart.

This particular one I cannot stress enough, the places we go to influence our thoughts so much just like the programs we watch on TV influence us.

We should learn to go to places where we learn to be better people like the library church and support groups. Some will expect me to mention shopping, it is a therapy for some people but then it should not lend you into debt that will get you in trouble and credits that you can’t control so do things that mean so much more yet important to you.

Visit places that build you, visit places that teach you so much about yourself, visit places that remind you of your worth and how much of a good person a better person you can be.

Often times when we go through stressful situations like being in a abusive environment we go to the wrong places we go to bars clubs resort to alcohol but we forget that the feeling of forgetting the hurt is temporary. It will follow suit tomorrow which means you are not creating a solution you are just pushing the problem aside which will eventually come back.

So start visiting places which will not remind you of the abuse, which will help you grow, which will distract you and allow you to do things that you love and places that will remind you that you don’t need to be where you are abused.

Hurt and abuse can delay you so much that you realise you never give yourself time. So turn the lights to yourself. Start looking yourself in a different way or should I say the way you want the world to look at you.

Start focusing so much on yourself. Start giving yourself time, when you go back to some of my reads about self-love you realise it needs more attention than we think. When you start loving yourself you know you don’t deserve to be in places where there is so much anger and hurt. You will know you belong to places where there is so much laughter, love and acceptance

Pay attention to yourself, your needs, your wants and things that make you happy.

Love yourself better and in a big way.

This means starting a journey with yourself and stepping out of the abuse zone.

When is still realising that there is more to you avonhead there’s a method that is going to stop you from taking over the world. Are you start seeing yourself as this person has so much potential and a lot to achieve. That moment is when you pack your bag and leave the bitter, hurting environment behind.

Start healing, talk to someone who is willing to listen and match your energy. This healing process will mean you have to start building Trust with people around you, you start being cautious of everything that happens around you so that you don’t go back so that abuse you were used to. That environment that never allowed you to be yourself to where things were not screaming happy but rather hurt.

I hope you find yourself. I hope you give yourself a chance. Even when you’re not going to walk out. Fix things, try to create a conducive environment through your voice.

Xoxo

Thero Madziba

YOU SHOULD TAKE A BREAK

Have you ever felt so tired you needed a break from the world?

Have you ever felt like you don’t need to wake up in the morning and go to work or do any work at all?

Have you ever felt like there’s something missing deep within or you have a void that you need to fill?

If you answered yes to the above questions it’s a sign that you need to take a break. If there is a sign that you need to give yourself time to reboot and heal don’t hesitate do it.

Sometimes we are not aware that we are actually weary and there’s so much weight on our shoulders until we fall. The question is why should you allow yourself to break before you actually take the break.

Do you know that taking a break is actually vital for your mental health and physical health. That is the reason why doctors give us bedrest when they realise that we are fatigued and we need vitamins and most importantly the rest.

We may take it for granted but as time goes on our bodies will start to get worn out because of the negligence we decided to do. Our bodies will start complaining at a time when we totally can’t do anything but rely on medication and help from people surrounding us but the question is, is that what you want.

I urge you to take a break I urge you to rest. Most of the time we were told to get rich we don’t have to sleep now the question is after making all the money are you going to spend it on medication and lying down because your body can no longer take it anymore even going on a holiday?

All we need to do sometimes is to take just a single day off in a week or maybe three in a month to re-energize and set our minds straight.

There is something very beautiful about the word peace even saying it brings so much calm in anyone’s mind.

Taking a break sometimes is for a purpose of having peace in your life. It doesn’t have to take a lot from you to feel peaceful because then if you need so much energy effort sweat and blood to be peaceful then you are also taking away from your peace.

There are times when your mind needs to calm down and start assessing things in a clearer way.Do not deny yourself peace just that you can give it to others. Do not deny yourself a content life because you are afraid of relaxing and feeling peaceful in your own space. Sometimes peace comes after a long time and not even realising that you are actually at peace until you start feeling a difference on your environment.

Start seeking Peace by allowing yourself to take a Break think and take action on everything that will prune out things that are hindering your peace.

There’s a time where you will actually fall and feel like you’ll never get back up again.

Things will happen in your life that will make you want to reintroduce yourself or even change your name and the town you live at.

Some situations wil humble you, they will drive you crazy and you’ll wish you were around people that never knew you or don’t know anything about you so that you can Bloom.

Did you know you can still Bloom whilst you’re around people that have watched you fall. Like they say trees will still stand even after winter has gotten their leaves away the next summer when it rains they actually become alive.

Flowers will Bloom again leaves will be green again and it will all look beautiful it can be the same with your life.When you take a break come up with a plan of how you are going to start a better and new Life.

Start thinking of things that actually make you happy, things that will show that you are comfortable with who you are, things that will show the radiance from within to outside that you are actually at peace because you took a break and ready to bloom.

It is ok not to be ok but it doesn’t mean you should be stuck there.

How about if you just work on letting go of anything that is stopping you from being peaceful and happy?

Taking a break will actually help to build the person that you want to be, to create a new you and become whatever you’ve always wanted to become a better person in the society. Accepting that it is okay to cry, to crumble and fall.

To lose means that you are able to grieve, let go and start a new life. Like I said above you have to allow yourself to Bloom but before you bloom you have to allow the Old leaves to fall off and those are your tears. Allow yourself to cry and reform yourself, change your mindset about so many things and begin a new life.It is ok to cry, it is ok to break things when you’re in the moment, it is ok to shout and also it is ok to tell somebody how you feel it is ok not to be ok.You don’t have to suffocate because you don’t want to crack.

Allow yourself to Suffocate learn how to breathe learn how to be at peace learn how to bloom just take a break .

Take a few steps back from everything even if it means switching off social media go ahead so that you give yourself peace take a break and be the person that you want to be.

I hope you give yourself a chance to be at peace and in an environment that makes you happy otherwise take a break.Ride solo if you have to.

A Relationship With Yourself

We know of so many relationships that surround us and on this one I want to take you through a journey of loving yourself, cherishing yourself & enjoy being you and absolutely having fun with your personality.

The picture above is me having fun and enjoying the moment that I’m in. At this moment all I can think about is myself what I want and the happiness I want to reach. Let me take you through 10 things that I live by that help me Be Happy with who I am.

1. Exploring Yourself

Everyone has to know themselves better than anyone knows them. They have to know what they like, what they dislike, their favourite colours, their favourite food and their favourite kind of hanging out spots.The reason why exploring yourself comes first is because you are packaging yourself, you are able to tell people who you are through these things. Imagine meeting a stranger who asks you what you like the most about yourself, or they ask you what’s your favourite hanging out spot and it has to take you more than two minutes to think about it. Would you say you know yourself if you can answer those two simple question?If you need to write this thing down go ahead and write them down. The reason why you should write them down is it will help you every time there’s a change on the list you know what to scratch off and what to keep because we grow and we change.

2. Giving Yourself Credit

I will work hard don’t wait for anyone to tell you that you did a great job or say well done before you do it to yourself.Whenever we exceeded as the work that I had before me and went beyond what I was supposed to do on that particular day I give credit to myself. I have to before they have to do that because I don’t want to hear it from anyone else before I tell myself.But sometimes we worked so hard and we don’t even get credit or be appreciated weather is at home at work or wherever we are as long as we have done a great job we should give ourselves a pat on the back.

3. Listening To The Inner You

Sometimes there’s that voice inside you that reminds you of things that are not right when you do them or approach you whenever you are going forward learn to listen to it.There’s a high chance that the move was knows you as much as you know yourself. That little with the reminder of things that you have done before if you have failed or gone through. Have you ever wondered when you try to do something and there’s that little voice that says there we go again or it says are you really sure you want to do this listen to that little voice as long as it’s not suppressing your dreams.

4. Believe In Yourself

Do you know you have people waiting for you to crumble and fall.The best gift to give yourself is believe in yourself and pull yourself up whenever you’re down. Believing in the person you are and can become is not rocket science but you thinking about it and living it.

No one will be questioned for your failures and no one will be congratulated for your wins.

I invented that quote because it has helped me a lot.

5. Pampers Yourself

This needs less words and mote doing. Go out there. Get your nails done and your body massaged.Go and cleanse your skin. Get exfoliating and facials. You will tell me about it honey. This will change your life.

6. Pay Yourself

When you are self employed or employed just pay yourself.When you’re employed those saving means that you don’t want to have financial problems you’re actually giving yourself financial freedom.Whenever you have a bonus pay yourself. Use the money you pay yourself with do the above point spoil yourself. Have money that makes you feel good. You are your own boss at the same because you work tirelessly.

7. Be You Own Cheerleader

Do not, do not wait for anyone to be your cheerleader you will wait forever.Jump up and down, scream and make sure you celebrate big or small milestones. That’s a sign that you’re in touch with your emotions. I love celebrating my achievements even just completing work ahead of time.

8. Do Not Hold Grudges

Avoid this one the most please!

Imagine going through sad moments because you chose to hols hold grudges. It kills your esteem and ability to move on my friend. Stay away from hurting yourself because of things you can’t change.

9. Laugh More

Go ahead crack windows with your laughter.Make sure you laugh every chance you get. Make it a habit of grabbing avery happy moment.I promised myself this year I’m spending it laughing so much. I want to remember every month in a way that makes me happy. Full of happiness. I laugh so hard guys.Be happy, Be happy!

10.Love Hard

Honey love that man, love that woman.It is hard to love again when you have been hurt but whenever you get into a new relationship don’t bring the baggage with you. You’re meeting a totally new person and you come in as a new person too.Don’t hold back with fear. You might lose someone who was ready to love you whole heartedly because you don’t show affection and you’re holding back emotionally.Tell yourself that being loved and loving is also for you.That’s how you can have a healthy relationship with yourself.

Blissful and Nasty sides of Gap Relationships

On the previous read we talked about making gap relationships work. We still have a long way to go on this one.Because I’m also in a gap relationship I think it’s only right to share with you the goodies and the baddies.Remember relationships have no manual. We meet different people with different personalities and different expectations but we still strive to make the relationship work. In a relationship there are ups and downs and also the beautiful and the Ugly.My wish was to write the ideal first but because I don’t want to ruin your mood before you go and let me give you into the beautiful aspect of the least four aspects of age gap relationship.

BLISSFUL MOMENTS

When I just thought of the word blissful moments I also thought I could have written advantages but because this is a relationship not a case study I decided to give it that hip name.Being a young lady and dating an older man sometimes brings others old versions of chivalry. The man is still stuck to the days where they used to do things for women and women had to be chased women. I know you know what I’m talking about will be opening doors for you and giving you little meaningful gifts and reminding you how much they love you each chance they get. And the older man or whichever partner is olderĀ  gets to experience the bubbly personality of a younger partner you get to relive the Moments that you lived when you were their age and it brings so much joy of knowing you can be your young self again.

Conversations

When there is a big age gap in a relationship conversations are interesting. The younger generation gets to experience more meaningful and goal-oriented conversation.When the two are compatible there is more of a sit-down conversation the throwing tantrums. There is no of listening than talking even if there is more energy from the younger one there is always control from the older one. There is this sense of maturity in the relationship and the ability to fix problems easily. This does not mean that there cannot be arguments but they are healthy arguments than the ones that are risky.

KNOWLEDGE

Anyone in a gay relationship will tell you how much the older partner likes sharing knowledge. Most of the time they want to teach the younger ones about so many things whenever they can.You know what’s cool? The younger ones are always teaching the older ones or newer trends, new fashion and even technology. This makes the older partner want to give them more regards and credit for all the things they teach them to keep up with the times.

SUPPORT

There’s that level of support that is involved in an age gap relationship.In an age gap relationship you and your partner are not competing for Success that much or out there trying to make names for both of you. The other partner is already established and has experience on what it is like to be out there trying to make a name for yourself. They render much of their support to you and expect a little from you. Though they might also need support from you when they are trying new things you just know you have someone to lean on whenever things are hard there. They can give you the best advice you can ever think of.
Sometimes even financially when you want to start up your own business they’re always there trying to fund your business and they will also develop your idea. They will spend any penny they have for you to make it, they give you advice, help you on making business plan. When the world is harsh on you they give you support and advice you could have never even given yourself because they know how rough it is no matter the generational difference.

INDULGE & EXPLORE

When growing up there are places you both wanted to go to they could be different places but you still want to visit them.Then this is the time to go. The older partner has always wanted to go to, and the the younger partner also want to explore. There could be history attached to each one of you having the need to go there so get up and go. The older could have been more traveled and know the way around and the younger could know the fun part about traveling making it more fun.Make memories together make each other feel like you are young and old at the same time. Indulge and explore. Don’t wait for the other to tell you what to do initiate things today. Travel see the world start loving art, introduce each other to things they never knew were fun.It is ALWAYS fun in an age gap relationship.

NASTY MOMENTS

This is about to turn the tables but they don’t erase the blissful moments unless you need to walk out of the relationship. In Any relationships as much as the UPS are there they are also Downs and we cannot escape them the only thing we can do is deal with them. Now let’s look at the nasty moments of age gap relationships.Oh yes age gap relationships are something else let me take you through the journey all the ugly sides.

GOALS

You are from different spaces of time and your goals are totally going to be different. Sometimes the older partner is more established ahead and is looking forward to adding just a little bit of things on their life. And the younger partners are getting out there, they are ready to conquer, to live and to experience everything they can so that they can also have stories when they’re old.Obviously the goals will be different. The other partner has achieved so much in life and the other partner is looking to work their way through to the top and make a name for themselves. Then now there’s a clash of interests because they are pulling two different directions. But this doesn’t mean the relationship can work the only thing that will be needed will be support for the other.

BRINGING IN AGE

When getting into a age-gap relationship we expect age to be less of a topic but there are times when it comes in especially during the ugly times.When we get into age gap relationship we know age should not be an issue but sometimes it’s like in every argument. Somebody needs to state that they are young and the other states that they are old. This is one of the unnecessary things to mention in an age gap relationship ,there is no need to bring it in because it’s obvious we both know we have a huge age gap between us.Sometimes the age issue is just brought in to emphasize a point. The young partner wants to use age so that their point or whatever they want to do the message is sent across and the older wants to do the same thing when they want to emphasize a point they use age. E.g.
The older partner will come up with a suggestion and when the younger one doesn’t agree they will throw in words like “I am way older than you so I know how these things happen”And the younger partner will also want to put their point across and say “that was during your time, this time around things are different and I already know the tips and tricks on how to do it.”See! We can just sort things out and maybe try both option if they are not time consuming or expensive.

EXPECTATIONS

Thing were done differently back in the day.Oh because we know most age gap relationships and the man who’s older and the woman who’s younger. You could have been raised in different households and different chores done by different genders or should I say send the best roles in a household.On this day women know men can cook. They also know men can claim and birth the babies. Now imagine and older men being out for young lady to clean the house because they are taught on this day everything is 50/50 and then no more gender-based roles in a household.This can also refer to the old men and then they will expect the lady to clean, cook and bath the kids and do everything in the household when they are out there trying to provide the for the family. Guess what because women these days work they could also be out there fending for the family.Now with all those, there is need for the couple to sit down to sort out their lives and decide on how things are done.Remember from the beginning wrote that there is no manual for relationships. All there is, is the need to be in the love, respect each othet and be committed to each other. The best thing that you can do is to sit down and discuss everything, when all cards are put on the table it’s easy to deal with each other and tell the other how you want to be treated they will also tell you how they want to be treated.Looking forward to reading on how you made it work.

Making A Gap Relationship Work

I met Mike in 2013 and it was a very awkward way to meet.

I realised he was way older than me and it made me a bit nervous about the whole thing especially when it came to introducing him to the family. But we made it work until now. This article will give you a clue on how to do it too if you’re in a gap relationship.

I’m going to highlight ways you can make such relationships work with less effort and more love.

COMMUNICATION

This is key in every relationship but when it comes to gap relationships it is vital. Remember you could be from different generations. This means understanding each is will have it out wrong turns but eventually things have to be sorted, decisions have to be made and choices picked.

For all this to be achieved communication has to come as an essential. Being able to put a message across without sound childish or uptight is one of the things to consider. Listen to what the other prefers and communicate what you prefer. Since one could seem left behind in experience and time the other might lack in trends and tech due to age difference but it’s nothing communication can’t fix.

ACCEPTANCE

You’re ought to accept that the other is way young and the other is way older. This will help in making decisions and living in a peaceful environment.

It also reduces the age issue being thrown in during arguments. Acceptance includes knowing the other likes a certain kind of music, clothes and even places to visit. Our generation wants a more alive spot and the older want chilled spots for entertainment. But because love and compromise are part of the package it becomes easy to navigate through both sides.

Acceptance also means that the other has to know that their partner can be slower or faster on some other thing.

It also refers to knowing that the other might be on the on the quiet side and the other might be more on the loud side. But this is not supposed to stop you from loving each other despite your differences starting with age.

LOVE

The reason for a gap relationship Should Be Loved. If there is any other motive the relationship will not go far.

Oftentimes relationships are confused for material things and money. Whenever the lady is the younger one in the man is the older one the artist relationship to riches money and other benefits. The best way to get rid of this disgusting though is to love purely from both side.

Get relationships and he really controversial and they need somebody with a strong personality to navigate to them. I love should come as the main motive of that relationship so that it can move on and be able to get rid of any doubt from both sides.

Most times it is believed that older men use beautiful young ladies to their benefit and wanting satisfy their need to also look younger. women date older men for money and material purposes. But if love is portrayed in a pure way it is easy to get rid of the perspective and easy to introduce each other to families and move on with a happy life.

HAVE FUN

Having fun means enjoying each other’s company. Is going out of your way to make each other happy.

Try by all means to find things that make each other happy like going to the movies, going to watch football, going to the park.

Every couple in young or older get relationship have a love language. Gap relationship couples should be able to explore each other’s love languages so that they know what sparkes the fire of their love.

Sometimes it comes in the form of just sitting around making fun of each other. It also involves cuddling saying sweet nothings to each other just to remind each other of how much you love them. Having fun comes in So Many Ways it can depend on what kind of people you are. There is no manual on having fun in a relationship. But all-in-all don’t forget that you have to make each other witty and smitten and laugh all the time. You have to make sure they have you in their mind when they think of having fun.

Looking forward to helping you to make a gap relationship work.