MOVING ON AFTER A BREAKUP

Relationships are the most beautiful part of growing up. Falling in love and being smitten with a stranger or someone you have known for some time.

But do you know all that can come to an end and it is the worst feeling to ever go through. On this post we are going to look at ways we can overcome the feeling and actually get back on our feet after a heart break or break up.
OPEN UP ABOUT IT: Do not bottle up your emotions when it comes to breakups. Holding on to the hurt can cause more harm in the future. It is important to confront your feeling during the time of hurting. Try to do this by journaling or talking to someone you trust or someone who will not judge you.

Recipes for diabetics (Click the pic to get it)

Journaling will have you write down your thoughts and express how you feel and it gives you an opportunity to actually start the process of facing the hurt and maybe feeling better. Opening up will mean you letting all the emotions surf through like letting yourself cry. Crying is not an indication that you are weak but showing that you can deal with your emotions.
FOCUSING ON YOURSELF: This is the time to work on yourself. A little bit of introspection is needed during this time of dealing with a breakup. Sometimes we are the ones who push things to crumble by little negative habits that we might not want to let go. Take time to asses the relationships you have had and see if there is a pattern.

His secret obsession (click the pic to grab this)

Focusing on yourself also means giving yourself some love. I have an article about self love and self care. SELF CARE ROUTINE . This article will give you ways of practicing self care and enjoy giving yourself a well deserved kind of attention.
LET GO : No matter how much it hurts eventually you will have to let go. As you deal with your emotions and also taking care of yourself do not dwell too much on the just ended relationship unless you are trying to get back together.

Letting go means knowing you can be okay without your ex, knowing you can go out there and be yourself without thinking about them. Take time to totally get in reality that it was not your time to be with them. It will not be as easy as it is written here but try. Start thinking of life without them, begin doing things that you had to put aside for your relationship. Actually start adding more worth to yourself and start focusing on things that you want than those that you do not want.
HEAL: Healing is so underrated and we take it for granted without noticing. Healing and letting go are different things and we should treat them as such. You have let go so now how about some healing? This will come with forgiving yourself and your ex of anything that still hurts you about the relationship you had.

Healing is about the inner you and mentally feeling right after a breakup. This might take a short period of time or a long time depending on pour different abilities to deal with pain. You do not want to get into a new relationship with anger and so much hate in your heart or deep cut feeling in your soul.

Out of all things you might do after a breakup healing is the most important one. It sets the mood for the current flow of things and for the coming relationship because you have freed your spirit.

HEAL!!!!!

Sometimes freedom comes from freeing ourselves

DO THINGS THAT YOU LOVE: What is it that makes you happy but you have been pushing it to the side? This is the chance to immerse yourself on soulful things that make you extra happy on your own.

If you can create happiness on your own you will be able to attract the same aura. People around you will be pleased with the kind of vibe you bring after dealing with your emotions of course. Go out and have fun with your friends before you go MIA in love again, visit family and catch on what you might have missed while you were boo’d up.

Go and sit in a nice restaurant and enjoy a good meal and bev by yourself, It can be a coffee shop or burger joint that you love. This will also put you out there for potentials to see you ( but do not go into anything serious) unless you are over your ex and READY to move on.

Delicious recipes for diabetics

SELF CARE ROUTINE

Yay!!! My favourite topic of all time. Anything that has to do with me giving myself some love is my fave.

I love creating moments of self care and self love inc operated together. There is so much happiness created within me every time I give myself some attention. Let me put you through how I make it work. You might pick some important leads to use on yourself.

DIY HAIR CARE : No matter how much I have tried to make use of the salon for hair care days I find myself wanting to spend time with myself through this activity so much that I never make plans to go to the salon. Hair care or wash days are days that I use to listen to my own thought and listen to my spirit. I find myself lost in the moment most times because that is when I have those UHUH MOMENTS!!! I get to remember things that I had neglected and little things that happened around me without noticing. I enjoy it so much, in my head a girls will actually be taking place.

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READING A BOOK:  Not all of us are fans of reading but if you are  take advantage of self care and read your favourite or any book you have been keeping aside and not finding time to read it. I fancy reading and I love romance novels. When I set out my week  read on chosen days looking at my schedule. On self care days  prefer to read as the sun sets and have my coffee at that particular hour. There is a certain vibe that comes through when the day comes to an end and you are able to relax with a cuppa.

JOURNALING : This is a morning activity where you put your thoughts down in writing. You can even write down the plans for the day on how you want the events to unfold. Let every thought come and write it down and let it sink in. Use this opportunity to write down gratitude notes and affirmation. Journaling is so relaxing it is like you talking to yourself in a fun way.

WATCHING A MOVIE & EATING MY FAVOURITE FOOD: After an hour of reading a few pages from a book and sipping on a hot beverage I get to prepare dinner. On this day it is not about what is on the menu but about what I want to eat.  choose a movie that look catchy to me and get ready to end my day in a high note and a day filled with freshness and rejuvenation. I can even decide to skip cooking and order food. I use that cooking time to take a power nap before I begin the home cinema program. I take that nap just after the cup of tea or coffee.

This is my little slice of heaven created by me for me. Go ahead and create this goodness for yourself and see how your whole world changes.

SELF LOVE PROGRAM

Join my program.

The self love program is an online workshop held for a period of 14 days with scheduled weeks.

The program aims at making people get back to themselves in a more easy way and with planned topics. There are tasks that are given to help clients connect with who they really want to be.

Daily emails and sometimes with voice noted and pictorial information.

Email : slwiththero@gmail.com to get more information and Rate card for the program.

RED FLAGS THAT SHOULD GET YOU RUNNING

Relationships are hard no matter how much we want them to be easy. At the same time we can be in relationships with ease and more relaxation after we set goals and sometimes rules

Though they say love is blind, is it a good reason to neglect our own feelings.

Here are some of the things to look out for when getting into a relationship:

AGGRESSION: by this I mean when your new partner is unhappy about something and they decide to approach you with too much anger

This can make anyone uncomfortable and feel belittled. Though we make excuses foe such behaviour taking a deeper look into your feeling after the event is the most important part. That choking that you feel, the blame you put on yourself are toxic and will make you forget about your happiness.

You can’t always be happy but you have to most be most times.

AGREE TO EVERYTHING THEY DO/SAY:

You’re in a relationship for goodness sake not a military. Your opinions matter too.

Civil conversations should be normalised in relationships. Now imagine if your partner is the one that wants to run your relationship like a military. It tends to cause more arguments.

If I can tell you, agreeing to everything because you want peace is not getting peace. It will haunt you until you forget about it and guess what it might be used as reference on the next argument.

You can have a grown up discussion without any of you feeling like authority or leader of a gang. If this happens address it with your partner and if it persists RUN. You need your sanity.

SAD MOMENTS SURPASS HAPPY MOMENTS:

Why do you prefer this kind of relationship when there is tons of happiness out there.

Choose you, choose your sanity, choose your happiness and choose you heart. Though we like joking about guarding our hearts and souls we actually have to do it. Do not be desperate to be in a relationship to a point where you STAY even when there is not ray of sunshine in your relationship.

Do not stay I repeat do not stay. Leave because you end up in too deep. You become a doormat for a relationship that doesn’t work for you. Remember if you can’t talk and solve it remember you need yourself more than anyone needs you

ABUSE: I mean any form of abuse,

Physical, emotional and verbal abuse can’t be sugar coated no matter how much you try.

You cannot allow yourself to walk around with a broken spirit. You are not going to live around negative energy because you are in a relationship. You’re slowly burning yourself to ashes inside. And there will be a time where you’ll not be able to save yourself. So RUN and remember Gender Based Violence is both sides. Men can get abused too. To men, do not be afraid to talk about it you also need to heal.

WHEN THEY DIM YOUR LIGHT:

When your partner doesn’t allow you to be who you’re.

When we get into new relationships we shouldn’t forget who we are. We should still remain as bubbly as we were. We cannot change in a relationship but remain our true selves so that our new partners know who they are dealing with and love us for who we are.

Changing to suit our partners tends to make us forget our selves and get lost. When things go wrong we don’t even remember who we truly are.

Remember to stay true to yourself and don’t lose identity. Like I always put it, your sanity matters in a relationship.

If you feel like you’re changing to fit into someone’s life RUN.

E-Book Launch WAYS TO LOVE YOURSELF

I’ve been working on a self love book and it is finally here!

Through different platforms I have realised that there are people who still struggle with the journey of self-love because they have no one or no tool to help them throughout the way.

So I came up with this little manual or guide to help those are on that journey so that they don’t feel alone and they have something to keep them going and a book to read whenever they need a reminder that self-love is key in our lives.

When I wrote this book I had people that are actually struggling and those who are learning to love themselves again after they have gone through a rough life experiences in my mind.

With the way the world has turn out to be and the way behaviours of people have changed it has made some people uncomfortable to express themselves openly. I wrote this book to act as a friend that one can communicate with and I’m opening up to anyone who like to discuss the book with me or have a discussion and helping them start the journey of self-love.

In a short period of time I’ll be welcoming people that would like to have sessions with me on a weekly basis Monday to Friday to help them kick start the journey of loving themselves, assessing key areas where they need to actually put the focus so that they can win if this journey of loving themselves.

The platform of having consultations is to be able to learn the patterns and behaviours of people that are going through journeys that are tough to carry and they need help to be able to express themselves. Not in any way will I be taking a place of a psychologist or therapist but I’ll be taking a place of a friend who’s willing to listen and be a friend to anyone that will come my way.

This book is just the beginning of a wonderful journey that I want to have with other people out there and make sure that I reach a number of people that can also reach out to others and and be examples of people who have learnt to love themselves beyond their life experiences.

To purchase this book just click on the picture of the book cover and it will Direct you straight to Amazon where you can purchase the Ebook version and the paperback version is also under construction hopefully it will be available soon.

Mentally Beating Infertility Issues

I’ve been meaning to write this post but my emotions wouldn’t allow me. This topic is very close to my heart because it’s exactly what I’m going through at the moment and it gets to me often times.

My trials and failures have come at a time when I had to think about this. Trying to conceive and thinking about conceiving are two different things and people should learn to differentiate those.

When you are trying to conceive it means time is put on planning in your head and your heart beats for that. Then thinking about conceiving is just a thought that comes now and then triggered by whatever it could be.

In my own little world I would have wanted to conceive from 22 years old I wanted to have three kids who will be two years apart. As in having a kid at 22, 24 and 26. This year I am turning 27 it is the time I could be planning to have another child or planning to continue living my life with the three kids all under 10 and being under 30. But nature hasn’t taken its course.

I have such undefined indefinite and deep Love for kids and unfortunately I have been trying to dig my hand in that bowl just to catch the one for me but it hasn’t happened.

Most of the time I end up in tears when I’m doing or talking about this topic and today I am stronger than any other time I’ve talked about this. My head keeps on telling me it will be okay then my heart yearns to be a mother. I’ve gone to hospitals clinics I’ve done scans have been checked by so many gynecologist everyone says everything is ok but why am I not conceiving.

I have been a patient of secondary amenorrhea for the past 6 years and it’s draining now because the medical bills keep on going high. I’m at a stage where my mind wants to say you will conceive one day, you are okay and you’re doing good then my heart says you want to be a mother time is moving do something.

I have been at my worst thinking about having kids I have cried myself to sleep thinking of having kids. I have even got to a point where adoption was an option but I keep on telling myself I’m still young I have a child period and the question that nobody bothers me is I don’t wanna hang how long am I going to be young I want to have kids that I can play with, kids that I can grow with, kids that won’t have a huge generational difference with me. I want to have babies that I’ll be able to teach my ways. They learn from mine and I learn from their generation without a huge gap between us. But there’s how I deal with not having kids.

Staying positive is not just about saying it staying positive means you tell both your brain and your heart to be optimistic. As you tell yourself that the fear door will be shut and it shall pass.

Talking about the topic with people that understand than people that are going to question you about having kids every time you meet them.

It’s so tiring getting this question of when are you having kids? When people don’t even know your medical background or your reasons for not having kids at a certain age. So be around people that are supportive people that understand your situation people that can comfort you where they know what you’re going through.

Don’t stop seeking medical help. This is because if you didn’t get help the first, the second or the third time doesn’t mean you don’t need it anymore. Keep on going to see specialists because one day out of all the hundred failures it is the hundred and one that will be a success. Oh so keep visiting doctors even if it’s the same doctor one day they will find a solution they will see the determination in you that will also push them to seek help for you.

Read books that pay attention to your problem, read books that address your problem and read articles that actually give you courage in knowing that someone out there has been through the same and you can get through it too. Do not associate yourself with articles that discourage you do not associate yourself with failed methods and do not associate yourself with failed stories because they will only only reflect to you as if you’re going to fail too.

Take advice that you see will work for you. Doctors will always advise you to go certain ways or the other do not be afraid to risk it but do not do anything that is illegal do not be afraid to risk working towards a goal of having babies. When it’s expensive to execute a certain advice save up for it because it is what you want as much as you’ve saved for the bag for the phone for the shoe that he want for a trip that you want see before this one because they’re the end of the day you say that I have tried.

THOUGHTS OF COURAGE

Thinking of positive stuff is not a daily thing or something you can do for the whole day.

But we can train our minds to believe that we are the greatest to ever exist. Our existence should be felt by us before being felt by anyone else so as we go on a journey of self-love, self-development and self growth let’s pick thoughts of courage towards ourselves.

The first thing we are supposed to do is believe in ourselves and believe that we can be whatever we want to be as long as opportunity, time and effort are put in.

When an opportunity present itself we should not put doubt in our minds but rather believe we can do it even when we have a little skills and knowledge.

Believing in ourselves create so much confidence and it allows us to break barriers and open doors that were closed and it makes us feel good about ourselves.

Believing we can be whatever we want means effort it also means we want to put time sweat and blood and our energy on it. We become happy about ourselves our achievements and that we can do further that’s more love for ourselves.

Thoughts of courage to oneself are just like affirmations they’re meant to keep us going and believing in ourselves.

Start knowing you are a winner at life and other things despite what we go through.

Believing we are winners means we can overcome and when problems present themselves we switch our minds to the winner button, we switch our minds to believing in ourselves and we know we can conquer. Let’s take thoughts of courage like affirmations when we say good things about ourselves, when we confess good things about ourselves just like saying I am a winner, I am great, and I am important.

Such thoughts bring self growth to us so easily, we grow and develop so easily when we have positive minds and we have thought of courage to ourselves.

When we do thoughts of courage like affirmations sometimes it’s better to write them on our notes on our phone notes or our diary or any where we can reach them easily.

It makes it easy for us to confess them everyday and to say them to ourselves every day. We tend to remember things we read and see so as much as we write this thoughts, as much as we tell ourselves these thoughts of courage it means they get into us.

we started memorizing them whenever we feel down or in doubt we reach at the back of our minds for the thoughts of courage and for good affirmations.

After all is done we need to reward ourselves.

This comes as a gesture to say, we realise our efforts before the world taps our backs. We know how much effort we put on things we do. This keeps us on check that we are not working for nothing.

Do you know appreciating that you work hard means you knew and you know how much effort you put in?

It also encourages us to know our worth, the more we know the work we put in the more we know our worth. We know what we’re capable of, we know how much we can push ourselves.

So why not reward yourself? Let this be a reminder that after all the work that you have done you reward yourself.

Whether you are employed or self-employed or unemployed any anything that you do reward yourself. You become happy. When you have been going to the gym trying to lose weight and you actually lose weight you reward yourself with a pair of jeans that makes you look good.

If you’ve been working so hard at work and you get a bonus use a bit of bonus to go out and have a massage, get your nails done and get your hair done. Do anything that makes you feel good then you become happy with yourself you don’t feel miserable you love yourself more. You keep telling yourself that you actually deserve that reward.

Avoid situations that make you too stressed and unhappy.

Your mental health comes before anything else, your happiness should come before if anything else sometimes avoid stress.

We have to learn to put our minds away from negative environment and we have to learn to distance ourselves from anything that put too much worry on us.

Mental health is something that is not discussed everyday or it’s something that we don’t really make it our cup of tea so we put it at the back of our minds. We have to remember we deserve to be in a state of mind that allows us to go on .

When our minds are in a block because of stress and when we are not in the right mental state we slack on loving ourselves, we become miserable, we question ourselves, we have a doubts about ourselves, we don’t believe in ourselves, we don’t see ourselves as winners and we don’t see ourselves as conquerors.

So mental health is important. Let us tell ourselves mental health is important. We have to know that our mental health comes first and our happiness also situations that are going to put that on hold or disturb that are not needed.

I AM BEAUTIFUL

I AM WONDERFUL

I AM A WINNER

I DESERVE LOVE

I AM WORTH REWARDING MYSELF

I DESERVE HAPPINESS

I AM A CONQUEROR

GETTING OUT OF ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENTS

Abuse is one of the things that I fear most in my life because it tortures a person mentally, physically and every fibre in their body.

Abuse is categorised in So Many Ways just like I’ve mentioned above but do you know we can overlook abuse even when we feel it, we can overlook abuse even when we see it to a point where the trauma caused on our brains is severe.

So many are times when I would advise people around me about abusive environments. Sometimes the abuse doesn’t have to be directed at you it can be around you.

Now the question is are you able to sense abuse when it is surrounded you?

Are you able to tell that you are in an abusive environment?

Those are some of the things that you have to know how to sense feel and see and now know how to walk out. Sometimes we get very used to abusive environments and we don’t even know how to get out so on this read I’m taking you through steps or things you can look at that can help you get out of an abusive environment.

The reason why I’m using abusive environment is because I don’t want to categorise abuse I’m not going to talk about physical abuse or emotional abuse or verbal abuse separately because all these can exist within the same environment directed to you or around you.

So on this article I’ll be showing you and helping you on how to get out of abusive environments.

Letting Go is one of the hardest things to do.

Even people with strong and Minds find it hard to let go of their habits now imagine an environment that you have been accustomed to.

Start looking for distractions when you think of walking out or letting go, start thinking of distractions before the abuse traumatizes you.

Because you feel everything that is happening around, you feel the abuse getting into you.

Sometimes there are things that we love that we neglect, start looking onto those while you are looking for a way of walking out.

When you start doing things that can distract you and you start enjoying them it gives you a light to know that there is a life for you outside abuse there is a life for you outside relationships, friendships, a workplace and a family that is abusive not only physically remember but emotionally and verbally.

If it is Reading or writing that you like doing start doing that a lot it will give you a bit of liberation and destruction from the hurt and the anger that you are dipped in . So plant things that you like in your mind teach your mind where to look at when they are abused once to make you fall apart.

This particular one I cannot stress enough, the places we go to influence our thoughts so much just like the programs we watch on TV influence us.

We should learn to go to places where we learn to be better people like the library church and support groups. Some will expect me to mention shopping, it is a therapy for some people but then it should not lend you into debt that will get you in trouble and credits that you can’t control so do things that mean so much more yet important to you.

Visit places that build you, visit places that teach you so much about yourself, visit places that remind you of your worth and how much of a good person a better person you can be.

Often times when we go through stressful situations like being in a abusive environment we go to the wrong places we go to bars clubs resort to alcohol but we forget that the feeling of forgetting the hurt is temporary. It will follow suit tomorrow which means you are not creating a solution you are just pushing the problem aside which will eventually come back.

So start visiting places which will not remind you of the abuse, which will help you grow, which will distract you and allow you to do things that you love and places that will remind you that you don’t need to be where you are abused.

Hurt and abuse can delay you so much that you realise you never give yourself time. So turn the lights to yourself. Start looking yourself in a different way or should I say the way you want the world to look at you.

Start focusing so much on yourself. Start giving yourself time, when you go back to some of my reads about self-love you realise it needs more attention than we think. When you start loving yourself you know you don’t deserve to be in places where there is so much anger and hurt. You will know you belong to places where there is so much laughter, love and acceptance

Pay attention to yourself, your needs, your wants and things that make you happy.

Love yourself better and in a big way.

This means starting a journey with yourself and stepping out of the abuse zone.

When is still realising that there is more to you avonhead there’s a method that is going to stop you from taking over the world. Are you start seeing yourself as this person has so much potential and a lot to achieve. That moment is when you pack your bag and leave the bitter, hurting environment behind.

Start healing, talk to someone who is willing to listen and match your energy. This healing process will mean you have to start building Trust with people around you, you start being cautious of everything that happens around you so that you don’t go back so that abuse you were used to. That environment that never allowed you to be yourself to where things were not screaming happy but rather hurt.

I hope you find yourself. I hope you give yourself a chance. Even when you’re not going to walk out. Fix things, try to create a conducive environment through your voice.

Xoxo

Thero Madziba