I’ve been meaning to write this post but my emotions wouldn’t allow me. This topic is very close to my heart because it’s exactly what I’m going through at the moment and it gets to me often times.
My trials and failures have come at a time when I had to think about this. Trying to conceive and thinking about conceiving are two different things and people should learn to differentiate those.
When you are trying to conceive it means time is put on planning in your head and your heart beats for that. Then thinking about conceiving is just a thought that comes now and then triggered by whatever it could be.
In my own little world I would have wanted to conceive from 22 years old I wanted to have three kids who will be two years apart. As in having a kid at 22, 24 and 26. This year I am turning 27 it is the time I could be planning to have another child or planning to continue living my life with the three kids all under 10 and being under 30. But nature hasn’t taken its course.
I have such undefined indefinite and deep Love for kids and unfortunately I have been trying to dig my hand in that bowl just to catch the one for me but it hasn’t happened.
Most of the time I end up in tears when I’m doing or talking about this topic and today I am stronger than any other time I’ve talked about this. My head keeps on telling me it will be okay then my heart yearns to be a mother. I’ve gone to hospitals clinics I’ve done scans have been checked by so many gynecologist everyone says everything is ok but why am I not conceiving.
I have been a patient of secondary amenorrhea for the past 6 years and it’s draining now because the medical bills keep on going high. I’m at a stage where my mind wants to say you will conceive one day, you are okay and you’re doing good then my heart says you want to be a mother time is moving do something.
I have been at my worst thinking about having kids I have cried myself to sleep thinking of having kids. I have even got to a point where adoption was an option but I keep on telling myself I’m still young I have a child period and the question that nobody bothers me is I don’t wanna hang how long am I going to be young I want to have kids that I can play with, kids that I can grow with, kids that won’t have a huge generational difference with me. I want to have babies that I’ll be able to teach my ways. They learn from mine and I learn from their generation without a huge gap between us. But there’s how I deal with not having kids.
Staying positive is not just about saying it staying positive means you tell both your brain and your heart to be optimistic. As you tell yourself that the fear door will be shut and it shall pass.
Talking about the topic with people that understand than people that are going to question you about having kids every time you meet them.
It’s so tiring getting this question of when are you having kids? When people don’t even know your medical background or your reasons for not having kids at a certain age. So be around people that are supportive people that understand your situation people that can comfort you where they know what you’re going through.
Don’t stop seeking medical help. This is because if you didn’t get help the first, the second or the third time doesn’t mean you don’t need it anymore. Keep on going to see specialists because one day out of all the hundred failures it is the hundred and one that will be a success. Oh so keep visiting doctors even if it’s the same doctor one day they will find a solution they will see the determination in you that will also push them to seek help for you.
Read books that pay attention to your problem, read books that address your problem and read articles that actually give you courage in knowing that someone out there has been through the same and you can get through it too. Do not associate yourself with articles that discourage you do not associate yourself with failed methods and do not associate yourself with failed stories because they will only only reflect to you as if you’re going to fail too.
Take advice that you see will work for you. Doctors will always advise you to go certain ways or the other do not be afraid to risk it but do not do anything that is illegal do not be afraid to risk working towards a goal of having babies. When it’s expensive to execute a certain advice save up for it because it is what you want as much as you’ve saved for the bag for the phone for the shoe that he want for a trip that you want see before this one because they’re the end of the day you say that I have tried.