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I’ve been meaning to write this post but my emotions wouldn’t allow me. This topic is very close to my heart because it’s exactly what I’m going through at the moment and it gets to me often times.
My trials and failures have come at a time when I had to think about this. Trying to conceive and thinking about conceiving are two different things and people should learn to differentiate those.
When you are trying to conceive it means time is put on planning in your head and your heart beats for that. Then thinking about conceiving is just a thought that comes now and then triggered by whatever it could be.
In my own little world I would have wanted to conceive from 22 years old I wanted to have three kids who will be two years apart. As in having a kid at 22, 24 and 26. This year I am turning 27 it is the time I could be planning to have another child or planning to continue living my life with the three kids all under 10 and being under 30. But nature hasn’t taken its course.
I have such undefined indefinite and deep Love for kids and unfortunately I have been trying to dig my hand in that bowl just to catch the one for me but it hasn’t happened.
Most of the time I end up in tears when I’m doing or talking about this topic and today I am stronger than any other time I’ve talked about this. My head keeps on telling me it will be okay then my heart yearns to be a mother. I’ve gone to hospitals clinics I’ve done scans have been checked by so many gynecologist everyone says everything is ok but why am I not conceiving.
I have been a patient of secondary amenorrhea for the past 6 years and it’s draining now because the medical bills keep on going high. I’m at a stage where my mind wants to say you will conceive one day, you are okay and you’re doing good then my heart says you want to be a mother time is moving do something.
I have been at my worst thinking about having kids I have cried myself to sleep thinking of having kids. I have even got to a point where adoption was an option but I keep on telling myself I’m still young I have a child period and the question that nobody bothers me is I don’t wanna hang how long am I going to be young I want to have kids that I can play with, kids that I can grow with, kids that won’t have a huge generational difference with me. I want to have babies that I’ll be able to teach my ways. They learn from mine and I learn from their generation without a huge gap between us. But there’s how I deal with not having kids.
Staying positive is not just about saying it staying positive means you tell both your brain and your heart to be optimistic. As you tell yourself that the fear door will be shut and it shall pass.
Talking about the topic with people that understand than people that are going to question you about having kids every time you meet them.
It’s so tiring getting this question of when are you having kids? When people don’t even know your medical background or your reasons for not having kids at a certain age. So be around people that are supportive people that understand your situation people that can comfort you where they know what you’re going through.
Don’t stop seeking medical help. This is because if you didn’t get help the first, the second or the third time doesn’t mean you don’t need it anymore. Keep on going to see specialists because one day out of all the hundred failures it is the hundred and one that will be a success. Oh so keep visiting doctors even if it’s the same doctor one day they will find a solution they will see the determination in you that will also push them to seek help for you.
Read books that pay attention to your problem, read books that address your problem and read articles that actually give you courage in knowing that someone out there has been through the same and you can get through it too. Do not associate yourself with articles that discourage you do not associate yourself with failed methods and do not associate yourself with failed stories because they will only only reflect to you as if you’re going to fail too.
Take advice that you see will work for you. Doctors will always advise you to go certain ways or the other do not be afraid to risk it but do not do anything that is illegal do not be afraid to risk working towards a goal of having babies. When it’s expensive to execute a certain advice save up for it because it is what you want as much as you’ve saved for the bag for the phone for the shoe that he want for a trip that you want see before this one because they’re the end of the day you say that I have tried.
Thinking of positive stuff is not a daily thing or something you can do for the whole day.
But we can train our minds to believe that we are the greatest to ever exist. Our existence should be felt by us before being felt by anyone else so as we go on a journey of self-love, self-development and self growth let’s pick thoughts of courage towards ourselves.
The first thing we are supposed to do is believe in ourselves and believe that we can be whatever we want to be as long as opportunity, time and effort are put in.
When an opportunity present itself we should not put doubt in our minds but rather believe we can do it even when we have a little skills and knowledge.
Believing in ourselves create so much confidence and it allows us to break barriers and open doors that were closed and it makes us feel good about ourselves.
Believing we can be whatever we want means effort it also means we want to put time sweat and blood and our energy on it. We become happy about ourselves our achievements and that we can do further that’s more love for ourselves.
Thoughts of courage to oneself are just like affirmations they’re meant to keep us going and believing in ourselves.
Start knowing you are a winner at life and other things despite what we go through.
Believing we are winners means we can overcome and when problems present themselves we switch our minds to the winner button, we switch our minds to believing in ourselves and we know we can conquer. Let’s take thoughts of courage like affirmations when we say good things about ourselves, when we confess good things about ourselves just like saying I am a winner, I am great, and I am important.
Such thoughts bring self growth to us so easily, we grow and develop so easily when we have positive minds and we have thought of courage to ourselves.
When we do thoughts of courage like affirmations sometimes it’s better to write them on our notes on our phone notes or our diary or any where we can reach them easily.
It makes it easy for us to confess them everyday and to say them to ourselves every day. We tend to remember things we read and see so as much as we write this thoughts, as much as we tell ourselves these thoughts of courage it means they get into us.
we started memorizing them whenever we feel down or in doubt we reach at the back of our minds for the thoughts of courage and for good affirmations.
After all is done we need to reward ourselves.
This comes as a gesture to say, we realise our efforts before the world taps our backs. We know how much effort we put on things we do. This keeps us on check that we are not working for nothing.
Do you know appreciating that you work hard means you knew and you know how much effort you put in?
It also encourages us to know our worth, the more we know the work we put in the more we know our worth. We know what we’re capable of, we know how much we can push ourselves.
So why not reward yourself? Let this be a reminder that after all the work that you have done you reward yourself.
Whether you are employed or self-employed or unemployed any anything that you do reward yourself. You become happy. When you have been going to the gym trying to lose weight and you actually lose weight you reward yourself with a pair of jeans that makes you look good.
If you’ve been working so hard at work and you get a bonus use a bit of bonus to go out and have a massage, get your nails done and get your hair done. Do anything that makes you feel good then you become happy with yourself you don’t feel miserable you love yourself more. You keep telling yourself that you actually deserve that reward.
Avoid situations that make you too stressed and unhappy.
Your mental health comes before anything else, your happiness should come before if anything else sometimes avoid stress.
We have to learn to put our minds away from negative environment and we have to learn to distance ourselves from anything that put too much worry on us.
Mental health is something that is not discussed everyday or it’s something that we don’t really make it our cup of tea so we put it at the back of our minds. We have to remember we deserve to be in a state of mind that allows us to go on .
When our minds are in a block because of stress and when we are not in the right mental state we slack on loving ourselves, we become miserable, we question ourselves, we have a doubts about ourselves, we don’t believe in ourselves, we don’t see ourselves as winners and we don’t see ourselves as conquerors.
So mental health is important. Let us tell ourselves mental health is important. We have to know that our mental health comes first and our happiness also situations that are going to put that on hold or disturb that are not needed.
I AM BEAUTIFUL
I AM WONDERFUL
I AM A WINNER
I DESERVE LOVE
I AM WORTH REWARDING MYSELF
I DESERVE HAPPINESS
I AM A CONQUEROR
Abuse is one of the things that I fear most in my life because it tortures a person mentally, physically and every fibre in their body.
Abuse is categorised in So Many Ways just like I’ve mentioned above but do you know we can overlook abuse even when we feel it, we can overlook abuse even when we see it to a point where the trauma caused on our brains is severe.
So many are times when I would advise people around me about abusive environments. Sometimes the abuse doesn’t have to be directed at you it can be around you.
Now the question is are you able to sense abuse when it is surrounded you?
Are you able to tell that you are in an abusive environment?
Those are some of the things that you have to know how to sense feel and see and now know how to walk out. Sometimes we get very used to abusive environments and we don’t even know how to get out so on this read I’m taking you through steps or things you can look at that can help you get out of an abusive environment.
The reason why I’m using abusive environment is because I don’t want to categorise abuse I’m not going to talk about physical abuse or emotional abuse or verbal abuse separately because all these can exist within the same environment directed to you or around you.
So on this article I’ll be showing you and helping you on how to get out of abusive environments.
Letting Go is one of the hardest things to do.
Even people with strong and Minds find it hard to let go of their habits now imagine an environment that you have been accustomed to.
Start looking for distractions when you think of walking out or letting go, start thinking of distractions before the abuse traumatizes you.
Because you feel everything that is happening around, you feel the abuse getting into you.
Sometimes there are things that we love that we neglect, start looking onto those while you are looking for a way of walking out.
When you start doing things that can distract you and you start enjoying them it gives you a light to know that there is a life for you outside abuse there is a life for you outside relationships, friendships, a workplace and a family that is abusive not only physically remember but emotionally and verbally.
If it is Reading or writing that you like doing start doing that a lot it will give you a bit of liberation and destruction from the hurt and the anger that you are dipped in . So plant things that you like in your mind teach your mind where to look at when they are abused once to make you fall apart.
This particular one I cannot stress enough, the places we go to influence our thoughts so much just like the programs we watch on TV influence us.
We should learn to go to places where we learn to be better people like the library church and support groups. Some will expect me to mention shopping, it is a therapy for some people but then it should not lend you into debt that will get you in trouble and credits that you can’t control so do things that mean so much more yet important to you.
Visit places that build you, visit places that teach you so much about yourself, visit places that remind you of your worth and how much of a good person a better person you can be.
Often times when we go through stressful situations like being in a abusive environment we go to the wrong places we go to bars clubs resort to alcohol but we forget that the feeling of forgetting the hurt is temporary. It will follow suit tomorrow which means you are not creating a solution you are just pushing the problem aside which will eventually come back.
So start visiting places which will not remind you of the abuse, which will help you grow, which will distract you and allow you to do things that you love and places that will remind you that you don’t need to be where you are abused.
Hurt and abuse can delay you so much that you realise you never give yourself time. So turn the lights to yourself. Start looking yourself in a different way or should I say the way you want the world to look at you.
Start focusing so much on yourself. Start giving yourself time, when you go back to some of my reads about self-love you realise it needs more attention than we think. When you start loving yourself you know you don’t deserve to be in places where there is so much anger and hurt. You will know you belong to places where there is so much laughter, love and acceptance
Pay attention to yourself, your needs, your wants and things that make you happy.
Love yourself better and in a big way.
This means starting a journey with yourself and stepping out of the abuse zone.
When is still realising that there is more to you avonhead there’s a method that is going to stop you from taking over the world. Are you start seeing yourself as this person has so much potential and a lot to achieve. That moment is when you pack your bag and leave the bitter, hurting environment behind.
Start healing, talk to someone who is willing to listen and match your energy. This healing process will mean you have to start building Trust with people around you, you start being cautious of everything that happens around you so that you don’t go back so that abuse you were used to. That environment that never allowed you to be yourself to where things were not screaming happy but rather hurt.
I hope you find yourself. I hope you give yourself a chance. Even when you’re not going to walk out. Fix things, try to create a conducive environment through your voice.
Get ready to connect the person that you are with the person you want to be.
Get your mind to open a space of learning to be a better person not for anyone but for yourself.
My version of self-love and self-care is based on understanding the person that I am a learning to love myself before I allow anyone to love me.Here is a guide to help shift your thoughts about yourself.
You wake up every morning to Bath, clean the house, make a meal for yourself, get ready for the day spontaneously or with a plan.
Your mind starts remembering all the things that you have to do on that day, people you have to talk to, people you have to text and things you promised to do for people.
Do you allow your mind to start thinking of your needs except for food in the house? Except the toiletry that you need, except fuel and what you’re going to eat during the day?
Does your mind stop for a minute during the process of getting ready to think if there’s something that you need to fill within yourself?
Does your mind question if you have to get rid of grudges that you have?
All the anger that you are carrying towards someone?I urge you to train your mind to put you first. Allow yourself to be in the moment, allow yourself to feel everything that is around you especially in the morning.
Have you ever heard people say she woke up on the wrong side of the bed today? It is because of the mood that you are portraying that makes people say that. Do you think if you took a minute to be in the moment allow yourself to take care of yourself before stepping out of the house could make people say that about you?
Sometimes you are moody not because you are angry but because you are far behind with loving yourself.When you start to Love Yourself you want to be happy just like when you love someone you want them to be happy. When you start loving yourself you are able to feel each and every inch of tiredness in your body and you do something about it, it’s just like when you see the person you love tired you allow them to rest you even insist on them resting.Start listening to yourself start listening to your emotions, start listening to your body, start listening to your soul and spirit and start listening to your surroundings.
Loving yourself is not supposed to be a job it is not even supposed to be tiring because it is you, your thoughts, your emotions and the love that you have for yourself. That makes you start thinking of doing everything to keep yourself happy.
Loving oneself is the most important thing because it teaches people how to love you.
There’s a very common battle between us and our emotions.
This battle makes us say we’re confused or we have too many decisions to make but do you ever listen and realise your mind is pulling to the other side e.g. the I love him but at the same time I don’t think he’s right for me but then your mind says give it a try.
This is a clear sign that you as one person can have a battle within yourself and at the end of the day there’s no one to blame for anything not even yourself.When you get emotional and you don’t portray your emotions or let them show there’s a bit of suffocation that happens within you and most times later on you would want to blow.
My question is why do you make yourselves suffer because you are afraid of people seeing your vulnerable?Why do you detach yourself from feeling things when the are happening?
There’s a difference between real-time reactions and delayed reactions. This is because in real-time you get to feel each everything that is going on and in delayed reaction you still have to remind yourself of why you are actually reacting.
So the relationship between you and your emotions should not suffer because you want the world to look at you with a certain perception.
Stop betraying yourself start connecting with your emotions so that you don’t carry so much weight on your shoulders.
If it is laughter show it, laugh as hard as you can, if it is crying cry because you are really listening to what you’re feeling at the moment stop betraying yourself.
Ohhhhh child our souls are broken.
If you have never had a broken soul bless you.
If you have never felt the person within you tested and about to give up when your spirits start going low and your soul is lingering only on surrendering to the almighty.
My Prayer always consist of healing my soul. I’ve been broken before and probably I will be broken again but I still pray for my soul.
There is so much hurt within us that is eating us from inside we are burning to ashes inside yet we are moving. There is always a shaking voice from a person with a broken soul because they think it cannot be fixed.
There is so much power in letting negativity go, there is so much power in loving yourself so much that you don’t allow bad air to come around you. when your soul is broken you think everyone sees it you become too defensive to even accept help from those who want to help.
Start fixing broken relationships, start fixing things that have detached you from your emotions, start healing from the brokenness of your soul and start healing the wounds that are open.I am so much afraid of a broken soul because most of the time the lights are dimmed and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel that is visible for broken Souls.
To avoid such stop holding on grudges, stop thinking everyone is your enemy, start thinking positively, start putting yourself first.Learn yourself so that you can tell others about you and most importantly teach people about who you are, what you are about, and what you expect from them.
Your soul will be relieved of so much scars on it.Cleanse your soul, cleanse yourself before anyone wants to fix your broken soul.
Surrender to God he wants us the way we are and believe me there’s so much joy and surrendering to God.
There’s this person that you want to be, a better version of yourself but you feel there’s always something hindering you.
When you pray for a better life like having your own house, having a car, having kids & having financial freedom don’t forget to pray for yourself because those things are for you you should be ready to have them in your life.The reason why sometimes we fail to manage wealth is because we don’t pray for ourselves. When you pray for yourself there is so much guidance within you. You become so grounded, wealth and materialistic things don’t control your train of thoughts.
Because you are praying to be a better person for your own sake and so that you don’t self-destruct. start praying for yourself. Pray for the better you that you want.There is joy and peace in praying for yourself and your prayers manifest because you wake up happy, loving yourself everyday, you wake up with a clean and loving soul that is not broken you and looking forward to the day because the first thing you do is pray for yourself, think of your needs and you start putting yourself first. Pray for a better you.
Most of us did not grow up in friendly environments where love was the main ingredient of the family.
You could have gone through a traumatic growing up experience but that doesn’t mean you are any less of a person than people around you.Sometimes the journey to Self love starts with healing the child inside you, healing the wounds that were open during your childhood.
Some childhood traumas can carry on up to the time are supposed to love yourself even more.Our minds keep telling us we are not worth anything because of our traumatic experiences as kids, if you longed-for love, you begged for it and you asked for it there is a high possibility that you won’t be able to recognise love when it’s around even from yourself. This breeds too much doubt and you start believing negativity that was thrown at you.Emerge a better person.Heal the child in you.Shift your thoughts about yourself.
You have untold stories of hurt and abuse and telling them seems impossible. You think no one will listen not even to understand your stories.
Deal with the trauma anyhow you can so that you move from hating yourself to loving yourself.
I hope you become your own dream come true.
I pray you see your worth and live it. I desire to live in a world where loving oneself is normal.
Have you ever felt so tired you needed a break from the world?
Have you ever felt like you don’t need to wake up in the morning and go to work or do any work at all?
Have you ever felt like there’s something missing deep within or you have a void that you need to fill?
If you answered yes to the above questions it’s a sign that you need to take a break. If there is a sign that you need to give yourself time to reboot and heal don’t hesitate do it.
Sometimes we are not aware that we are actually weary and there’s so much weight on our shoulders until we fall. The question is why should you allow yourself to break before you actually take the break.
Do you know that taking a break is actually vital for your mental health and physical health. That is the reason why doctors give us bedrest when they realise that we are fatigued and we need vitamins and most importantly the rest.
We may take it for granted but as time goes on our bodies will start to get worn out because of the negligence we decided to do. Our bodies will start complaining at a time when we totally can’t do anything but rely on medication and help from people surrounding us but the question is, is that what you want.
I urge you to take a break I urge you to rest. Most of the time we were told to get rich we don’t have to sleep now the question is after making all the money are you going to spend it on medication and lying down because your body can no longer take it anymore even going on a holiday?
All we need to do sometimes is to take just a single day off in a week or maybe three in a month to re-energize and set our minds straight.
There is something very beautiful about the word peace even saying it brings so much calm in anyone’s mind.
Taking a break sometimes is for a purpose of having peace in your life. It doesn’t have to take a lot from you to feel peaceful because then if you need so much energy effort sweat and blood to be peaceful then you are also taking away from your peace.
There are times when your mind needs to calm down and start assessing things in a clearer way.Do not deny yourself peace just that you can give it to others. Do not deny yourself a content life because you are afraid of relaxing and feeling peaceful in your own space. Sometimes peace comes after a long time and not even realising that you are actually at peace until you start feeling a difference on your environment.
Start seeking Peace by allowing yourself to take a Break think and take action on everything that will prune out things that are hindering your peace.
There’s a time where you will actually fall and feel like you’ll never get back up again.
Things will happen in your life that will make you want to reintroduce yourself or even change your name and the town you live at.
Some situations wil humble you, they will drive you crazy and you’ll wish you were around people that never knew you or don’t know anything about you so that you can Bloom.
Did you know you can still Bloom whilst you’re around people that have watched you fall. Like they say trees will still stand even after winter has gotten their leaves away the next summer when it rains they actually become alive.
Flowers will Bloom again leaves will be green again and it will all look beautiful it can be the same with your life.When you take a break come up with a plan of how you are going to start a better and new Life.
Start thinking of things that actually make you happy, things that will show that you are comfortable with who you are, things that will show the radiance from within to outside that you are actually at peace because you took a break and ready to bloom.
It is ok not to be ok but it doesn’t mean you should be stuck there.
How about if you just work on letting go of anything that is stopping you from being peaceful and happy?
Taking a break will actually help to build the person that you want to be, to create a new you and become whatever you’ve always wanted to become a better person in the society. Accepting that it is okay to cry, to crumble and fall.
To lose means that you are able to grieve, let go and start a new life. Like I said above you have to allow yourself to Bloom but before you bloom you have to allow the Old leaves to fall off and those are your tears. Allow yourself to cry and reform yourself, change your mindset about so many things and begin a new life.It is ok to cry, it is ok to break things when you’re in the moment, it is ok to shout and also it is ok to tell somebody how you feel it is ok not to be ok.You don’t have to suffocate because you don’t want to crack.
Allow yourself to Suffocate learn how to breathe learn how to be at peace learn how to bloom just take a break .
Take a few steps back from everything even if it means switching off social media go ahead so that you give yourself peace take a break and be the person that you want to be.
I hope you give yourself a chance to be at peace and in an environment that makes you happy otherwise take a break.Ride solo if you have to.
We know of so many relationships that surround us and on this one I want to take you through a journey of loving yourself, cherishing yourself & enjoy being you and absolutely having fun with your personality.
The picture above is me having fun and enjoying the moment that I’m in. At this moment all I can think about is myself what I want and the happiness I want to reach. Let me take you through 10 things that I live by that help me Be Happy with who I am.
1. Exploring Yourself
Everyone has to know themselves better than anyone knows them. They have to know what they like, what they dislike, their favourite colours, their favourite food and their favourite kind of hanging out spots.The reason why exploring yourself comes first is because you are packaging yourself, you are able to tell people who you are through these things. Imagine meeting a stranger who asks you what you like the most about yourself, or they ask you what’s your favourite hanging out spot and it has to take you more than two minutes to think about it. Would you say you know yourself if you can answer those two simple question?If you need to write this thing down go ahead and write them down. The reason why you should write them down is it will help you every time there’s a change on the list you know what to scratch off and what to keep because we grow and we change.
2. Giving Yourself Credit
I will work hard don’t wait for anyone to tell you that you did a great job or say well done before you do it to yourself.Whenever we exceeded as the work that I had before me and went beyond what I was supposed to do on that particular day I give credit to myself. I have to before they have to do that because I don’t want to hear it from anyone else before I tell myself.But sometimes we worked so hard and we don’t even get credit or be appreciated weather is at home at work or wherever we are as long as we have done a great job we should give ourselves a pat on the back.
3. Listening To The Inner You
Sometimes there’s that voice inside you that reminds you of things that are not right when you do them or approach you whenever you are going forward learn to listen to it.There’s a high chance that the move was knows you as much as you know yourself. That little with the reminder of things that you have done before if you have failed or gone through. Have you ever wondered when you try to do something and there’s that little voice that says there we go again or it says are you really sure you want to do this listen to that little voice as long as it’s not suppressing your dreams.
4. Believe In Yourself
Do you know you have people waiting for you to crumble and fall.The best gift to give yourself is believe in yourself and pull yourself up whenever you’re down. Believing in the person you are and can become is not rocket science but you thinking about it and living it.
No one will be questioned for your failures and no one will be congratulated for your wins.
I invented that quote because it has helped me a lot.
5. Pampers Yourself
This needs less words and mote doing. Go out there. Get your nails done and your body massaged.Go and cleanse your skin. Get exfoliating and facials. You will tell me about it honey. This will change your life.
6. Pay Yourself
When you are self employed or employed just pay yourself.When you’re employed those saving means that you don’t want to have financial problems you’re actually giving yourself financial freedom.Whenever you have a bonus pay yourself. Use the money you pay yourself with do the above point spoil yourself. Have money that makes you feel good. You are your own boss at the same because you work tirelessly.
7. Be You Own Cheerleader
Do not, do not wait for anyone to be your cheerleader you will wait forever.Jump up and down, scream and make sure you celebrate big or small milestones. That’s a sign that you’re in touch with your emotions. I love celebrating my achievements even just completing work ahead of time.
8. Do Not Hold Grudges
Avoid this one the most please!
Imagine going through sad moments because you chose to hols hold grudges. It kills your esteem and ability to move on my friend. Stay away from hurting yourself because of things you can’t change.
9. Laugh More
Go ahead crack windows with your laughter.Make sure you laugh every chance you get. Make it a habit of grabbing avery happy moment.I promised myself this year I’m spending it laughing so much. I want to remember every month in a way that makes me happy. Full of happiness. I laugh so hard guys.Be happy, Be happy!
Honey love that man, love that woman.It is hard to love again when you have been hurt but whenever you get into a new relationship don’t bring the baggage with you. You’re meeting a totally new person and you come in as a new person too.Don’t hold back with fear. You might lose someone who was ready to love you whole heartedly because you don’t show affection and you’re holding back emotionally.Tell yourself that being loved and loving is also for you.That’s how you can have a healthy relationship with yourself.