YOU NEED TO STOP SELF SABOTAGE

How many times have you pinned yourself in one spot avoided doing exactly what you have been planning. Self sabotage is so common yet so rare because we do not talk about it. Most people struggle with this and end up finding reasons to blame others or their situations.

What is stopping you? Is it fear of failure or fear of starting? Whatever it is just do not give a moment in your thoughts. This can block you from doing things that you have been planning for in a very long time.

Now let us look at how you can break the pattern of self sabotaging.

ASSESS YOUR BEHAVIOR: you are the only one with an ability to know and acknowledge that there are certain behaviors that you are allowing that stop you from starting or doing things. Look at the things that you do that have an impact on you slowing down or losing interest in achieving your goals. This will hard because you’re going to be giving excuse for every wrong behavior and you do not need to. Allow yourself to sense the wrong in not giving yourself a chance to do what you have plans of doing.

Click on the picture to Learn how to make cakes

WHAT CAUSES THE SABOTAGING BEHAVIOR: Now, we do most things and act a certain way because of particular influences. Get to know your influence and know which behavior pattern it encourages. When you are able to tell the root cause of the behavior that sabotages your own goals and plans it will be easy to help yourself out of the self sabotage pit. As written above you might happen to have excuses for behaviors that you are not ready to part with but it is a matter of trying. Dig deeper into what is stopping you from going ahead. Look for the root cause even in unexpected areas because it is a slow process and everything has to be put on the table to avoid relapses and backsliding.

INTROSPECTION. How about a little look into who really are and what you are really doing. Some self-reflection will not hurt. Take time to asses your life and what you want. Look deep into what you have been trying to achieve and what has been stopping you. Try by all means not to bring anything outside of yourself as a reason to why you are not going forward. Give the attention to yourself and then work on it. Be fair, do not pressurise yourself. Remember you are trying to solve a problem within you and not creating a bad space for your progress. Look at habits that have been hindering you from starting on your plans or keeping you away from doing the work that is needed to progress.

POSITIVITY IN YOU: There is an inner voice in you that constantly reminds you that you have to get up and start working on your dreams but the above mentioned traits about behaviors is what suppresses it. The bad habits take space of this positive voice inside you and you have given them a go ahead. Start listening to the inner you and pay attention to the positive attitude it brings. This might get tiring as you will sometimes need a second opinion but also lean to listen to your own advice that comes from within. There is nothing wrong with taking your own advice and try it. There is that inner voice inside you that wants you to make it and win in life , give it a chance.

MAKE BEHAVIOR PATTERNS THAT WORK FOR YOU: You have identified behavior patterns that are working against you and you need to change them and make something that works in your favour. Work hard on making the right decisions. You know what tickles your fancy and that is what you need to work on first. Do not be hard on yourself and do not be be too soft also. The best way to come up with what works is to think about the reasons you need to do it. Remind yourself why you are doing it and what you are looking to achieve. Despite having identified the patterns that slow you down turn to ones that give you a reason.

START MAKING SMALL CHANGES: The journey of making your plans work will not start until you start taking your first steps. Begin with make small changes on your behavior patterns and doing little activities that align with what you want to achieve. It is the small steps that will determine if you are ready to work on it or you need to adjust. Baby steps are meant to get you ready for the big job of working towards your goals and dreams. When you do all this start taking note of what brings you joy, the importance of this is to know what activities keep you going. Start also taking notes of where you are falling behind and what you could do to pull yourself up.

Dotox
Clean up your body (Click the pic to buy)

PLAN YOUR GOAL AND THE ROAD MAP: You have settled into your route and ready to make it work. Set goals that are relevant to the main goal. If you had no main goal set this is the the time to do so since you have picked your rhythm and ready to make way for yourself. Self sabotage can take a lot from a a person. The dreams that you had cancelled before you started and all the things you thought were impossible can now be taken head on. You need to look how far you have come and use the same strength to keep moving. work on the goals and follow the road map you have outlined for yourself.

Do not be afraid to fail. Working on making it is not mistake proof. We need the results to be perfect that means mistakes will be made and corrections will also be made. It is up to you to keep soaring high after fighting off self sabotage habits and letting those bad habits go and introduce what works and what works for you as an individual.

XoXo

Thero M

SAVING PRACTICES THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

Saving is not everyone’s cup of tea but it is one of the best practices we all need to learn. This can come as something that will turn out to be a habit or just a normal routine foe every individual. Over the years banks have been promoting opening of savings accounts more than ever.

Though banks have a reason that works for them it could work for you too in the long run. You have to know that you cannot just bring up saving without giving it a thought and it should not make you feel like you are denying yourself and luxuries.

Saving has different categories that you have to understand so that your saving pattern is not all over. There is no problem with opening a savings account for every purpose you have. Now let me make you understand saving.

Have a purpose for your saving, this makes you committed to saving.

LONG TERM SAVING: This kind of saving is often attached to buying houses, land or retirement. This pattern of saving can be difficult from the beginning but as long as you know the importance of what you are saving for it will be easy. Banks can help on this type of saving by open  a fixed savings account for a specified period of time. This kind of commitment should be assessed first by looking at your budge and how much you want to be putting away.

SHORT TERM SAVINGS: As the term already explains itself, this is saving for a purpose that may not need lots of funds invested and it can be achieved in a short period of time. This might include things like saving for clothes shopping, buying a laptop and going for a mini vacation in a nearby town. This type of saving can also be made through banking where you can agree on easy access savings.

Through this kind of savings be sure to discuss all saving types with the bank that you are affiliated with. You can have a regular savings account that you put money in to make sure you are comfortable and not totally broke which should be everyone’s kind of saving patterns. Regular saving account can save you from borrowing money in case you run into a shortage or you need a top up to buy something. Even when you are running out of supplies in the house this kind of saving can save you.

TOP REASONS FOR SAVING

There are  common reasons why people save and this can give you a highlight of what you can save for.

RAINY DAYS: This does not mean literally rainy days but when you need that top up or when you are in need for money when things are not going according to plan financially. You need to know you can rely on yourself when times get tough before you can approach anyone.

TRAVEL: Traveling can be very expensive if not saved for. Going on spontaneous trips is a bit difficult these days as everything has become expensive, you do not want to settle for shabby places when you get to the destination because of prices you cannot afford. Planning and saving for international travel is so important, I cannot stress this much. You can open an account for this sole purpose and even use the card given to you when you travel. You can communicate with your bank to make you a card that is accepted internationally than a credit card that you will end up running empty and paying lots of charges to the bank.

CAR: I know there is an option to buy a car through a bank but some people like buying their stuff cash. This is a great way if you are not pressed to own and and not minding to wait until you can afford a car you like and buying it debt free. This journey can be a bit difficult but as long as you understand the maths around it, no worries. Sometime you can save up for a car for two years instead of buying through the bank and pay back for 5 years with interest. Choose your battle well.

BUYING A HOUSE: Houses are expensive and it is no doubt why most people take mortgages and prefer to pay back for a period of 20 years less or more. Houses are not like cars except they are super expensive cars. Everyone dreams of owning a home and this is a big commitment. Do not worry if you cannot afford to be saving large sums of money to buy a house it is not everyone who can do it.

ELECTRONIC GADGETS: Technology is moving faster than how much we earn. Everything is becoming expensive and whenever we try to catch up we still get left behind by those who can afford it. Tell you what you can actually save for these gadgets. Do not be in a hurry to buy everything that is on the market stuff changes every month. Good computers do not get updated every second!! They take time before new releases are out so that is what you can invest on. In a period of two years all you can do is upgrade version of your computer installs and you are ready just like everyone else. After buying what you desire do not stop saving. This makes it easy to be on top of your game. When a new version is out you swap and top up or yo sell  to someone who has been wanting what you have but could not afford the “NEW” price.

This is what the world of saving looks like. We all have a purpose of why we save and we can achieve most things doing this. Saving is one of the debt free life tools. Keeping some money aside is like an insurance we create for ourselves and we can rely on it during hard times.

I hope you have learnt something. I would like to hear about your saving journey.

MOVING ON AFTER A BREAKUP

Relationships are the most beautiful part of growing up. Falling in love and being smitten with a stranger or someone you have known for some time.

But do you know all that can come to an end and it is the worst feeling to ever go through. On this post we are going to look at ways we can overcome the feeling and actually get back on our feet after a heart break or break up.
OPEN UP ABOUT IT: Do not bottle up your emotions when it comes to breakups. Holding on to the hurt can cause more harm in the future. It is important to confront your feeling during the time of hurting. Try to do this by journaling or talking to someone you trust or someone who will not judge you.

Recipes for diabetics (Click the pic to get it)

Journaling will have you write down your thoughts and express how you feel and it gives you an opportunity to actually start the process of facing the hurt and maybe feeling better. Opening up will mean you letting all the emotions surf through like letting yourself cry. Crying is not an indication that you are weak but showing that you can deal with your emotions.
FOCUSING ON YOURSELF: This is the time to work on yourself. A little bit of introspection is needed during this time of dealing with a breakup. Sometimes we are the ones who push things to crumble by little negative habits that we might not want to let go. Take time to asses the relationships you have had and see if there is a pattern.

His secret obsession (click the pic to grab this)

Focusing on yourself also means giving yourself some love. I have an article about self love and self care. SELF CARE ROUTINE . This article will give you ways of practicing self care and enjoy giving yourself a well deserved kind of attention.
LET GO : No matter how much it hurts eventually you will have to let go. As you deal with your emotions and also taking care of yourself do not dwell too much on the just ended relationship unless you are trying to get back together.

Letting go means knowing you can be okay without your ex, knowing you can go out there and be yourself without thinking about them. Take time to totally get in reality that it was not your time to be with them. It will not be as easy as it is written here but try. Start thinking of life without them, begin doing things that you had to put aside for your relationship. Actually start adding more worth to yourself and start focusing on things that you want than those that you do not want.
HEAL: Healing is so underrated and we take it for granted without noticing. Healing and letting go are different things and we should treat them as such. You have let go so now how about some healing? This will come with forgiving yourself and your ex of anything that still hurts you about the relationship you had.

Healing is about the inner you and mentally feeling right after a breakup. This might take a short period of time or a long time depending on pour different abilities to deal with pain. You do not want to get into a new relationship with anger and so much hate in your heart or deep cut feeling in your soul.

Out of all things you might do after a breakup healing is the most important one. It sets the mood for the current flow of things and for the coming relationship because you have freed your spirit.

HEAL!!!!!

Sometimes freedom comes from freeing ourselves

DO THINGS THAT YOU LOVE: What is it that makes you happy but you have been pushing it to the side? This is the chance to immerse yourself on soulful things that make you extra happy on your own.

If you can create happiness on your own you will be able to attract the same aura. People around you will be pleased with the kind of vibe you bring after dealing with your emotions of course. Go out and have fun with your friends before you go MIA in love again, visit family and catch on what you might have missed while you were boo’d up.

Go and sit in a nice restaurant and enjoy a good meal and bev by yourself, It can be a coffee shop or burger joint that you love. This will also put you out there for potentials to see you ( but do not go into anything serious) unless you are over your ex and READY to move on.

Delicious recipes for diabetics

SELF CARE ROUTINE

Yay!!! My favourite topic of all time. Anything that has to do with me giving myself some love is my fave.

I love creating moments of self care and self love inc operated together. There is so much happiness created within me every time I give myself some attention. Let me put you through how I make it work. You might pick some important leads to use on yourself.

DIY HAIR CARE : No matter how much I have tried to make use of the salon for hair care days I find myself wanting to spend time with myself through this activity so much that I never make plans to go to the salon. Hair care or wash days are days that I use to listen to my own thought and listen to my spirit. I find myself lost in the moment most times because that is when I have those UHUH MOMENTS!!! I get to remember things that I had neglected and little things that happened around me without noticing. I enjoy it so much, in my head a girls will actually be taking place.

https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

READING A BOOK:  Not all of us are fans of reading but if you are  take advantage of self care and read your favourite or any book you have been keeping aside and not finding time to read it. I fancy reading and I love romance novels. When I set out my week  read on chosen days looking at my schedule. On self care days  prefer to read as the sun sets and have my coffee at that particular hour. There is a certain vibe that comes through when the day comes to an end and you are able to relax with a cuppa.

JOURNALING : This is a morning activity where you put your thoughts down in writing. You can even write down the plans for the day on how you want the events to unfold. Let every thought come and write it down and let it sink in. Use this opportunity to write down gratitude notes and affirmation. Journaling is so relaxing it is like you talking to yourself in a fun way.

WATCHING A MOVIE & EATING MY FAVOURITE FOOD: After an hour of reading a few pages from a book and sipping on a hot beverage I get to prepare dinner. On this day it is not about what is on the menu but about what I want to eat.  choose a movie that look catchy to me and get ready to end my day in a high note and a day filled with freshness and rejuvenation. I can even decide to skip cooking and order food. I use that cooking time to take a power nap before I begin the home cinema program. I take that nap just after the cup of tea or coffee.

This is my little slice of heaven created by me for me. Go ahead and create this goodness for yourself and see how your whole world changes.

Need For Success

The need for success is in everyone. This is the reason we work so hard and try to balance everything at the same time.

Success has a different meaning to every single person whether we like it or not. What I consider success might be too low or high for the next person but it is something we are all chasing no matter the size.

You have ti determine your own gauge and work on it. The level of success you want to be on will be the measure of how much effort you invest. Success is not only about effort, it includes things like money, time and lots of research. Sometimes even letting of valuable things that use to mean a lot to a person.

First of all you have to know what success means to you as an individual and choose how best you can achieve it. I like to advice that you do not have to compare yourself with anyone and remain on your lane. We work towards in different ways which means we take different paces and lanes towards it. Mentor ship can work but do not become your mentor’s shadow trying to be successful. Even when you look up to someone do not lose your uniqueness in trying to be exactly like them.

The need for success should not be the reason you do not plan your route to achieve it. There is no rush to make because no matter how fast we move when the time is not right there will be no results. I am not saying do not work on the clock I am saying plan and work following the plan instead of rushed work and expecting great results.

It is not about how long it took but the results produced.

Choose your battle well, do not be over-ambitious or neglect the reality that comes with being successful. People overshoot their dreams and make it difficult for them to achieve their goals. The dreams becomes almost impossible due unrealistic planning.  Do you also have the need for success or are you taking it one day at a time? Are you willing to part with the luxury called time and get rolling on the road to success?

I have become too dependent on my talent and skill and I am taking this journey of success with every might, blood, sweat and tears. My need to be successful is really not about money even when money will bring the end results. I have no intentions of keeping a fat account and not use it to fulfill some of my desires of comfort. I am not going to hold back enjoying the fruits of my labour to keep the balance at a “million” because if I spend a 100 it will drop to 999 900. I am looking forward to creating sustainable success that will give me and my family comfort and know that I do not have to work my whole life chasing paper.

My success is not based on status and titles but on comfort. This means whenever there is peace as far as financials are concerned and my need to make more is not a must i will declare myself successful.

Share with me what success looks like to you.

XoXo

Thero M

 

SELF LOVE PROGRAM

Join my program.

The self love program is an online workshop held for a period of 14 days with scheduled weeks.

The program aims at making people get back to themselves in a more easy way and with planned topics. There are tasks that are given to help clients connect with who they really want to be.

Daily emails and sometimes with voice noted and pictorial information.

Email : slwiththero@gmail.com to get more information and Rate card for the program.

RED FLAGS THAT SHOULD GET YOU RUNNING

Relationships are hard no matter how much we want them to be easy. At the same time we can be in relationships with ease and more relaxation after we set goals and sometimes rules

Though they say love is blind, is it a good reason to neglect our own feelings.

Here are some of the things to look out for when getting into a relationship:

AGGRESSION: by this I mean when your new partner is unhappy about something and they decide to approach you with too much anger

This can make anyone uncomfortable and feel belittled. Though we make excuses foe such behaviour taking a deeper look into your feeling after the event is the most important part. That choking that you feel, the blame you put on yourself are toxic and will make you forget about your happiness.

You can’t always be happy but you have to most be most times.

AGREE TO EVERYTHING THEY DO/SAY:

You’re in a relationship for goodness sake not a military. Your opinions matter too.

Civil conversations should be normalised in relationships. Now imagine if your partner is the one that wants to run your relationship like a military. It tends to cause more arguments.

If I can tell you, agreeing to everything because you want peace is not getting peace. It will haunt you until you forget about it and guess what it might be used as reference on the next argument.

You can have a grown up discussion without any of you feeling like authority or leader of a gang. If this happens address it with your partner and if it persists RUN. You need your sanity.

SAD MOMENTS SURPASS HAPPY MOMENTS:

Why do you prefer this kind of relationship when there is tons of happiness out there.

Choose you, choose your sanity, choose your happiness and choose you heart. Though we like joking about guarding our hearts and souls we actually have to do it. Do not be desperate to be in a relationship to a point where you STAY even when there is not ray of sunshine in your relationship.

Do not stay I repeat do not stay. Leave because you end up in too deep. You become a doormat for a relationship that doesn’t work for you. Remember if you can’t talk and solve it remember you need yourself more than anyone needs you

ABUSE: I mean any form of abuse,

Physical, emotional and verbal abuse can’t be sugar coated no matter how much you try.

You cannot allow yourself to walk around with a broken spirit. You are not going to live around negative energy because you are in a relationship. You’re slowly burning yourself to ashes inside. And there will be a time where you’ll not be able to save yourself. So RUN and remember Gender Based Violence is both sides. Men can get abused too. To men, do not be afraid to talk about it you also need to heal.

WHEN THEY DIM YOUR LIGHT:

When your partner doesn’t allow you to be who you’re.

When we get into new relationships we shouldn’t forget who we are. We should still remain as bubbly as we were. We cannot change in a relationship but remain our true selves so that our new partners know who they are dealing with and love us for who we are.

Changing to suit our partners tends to make us forget our selves and get lost. When things go wrong we don’t even remember who we truly are.

Remember to stay true to yourself and don’t lose identity. Like I always put it, your sanity matters in a relationship.

If you feel like you’re changing to fit into someone’s life RUN.